Greetings my dear followers, and Happy Holidays.
I hope you have all had a fantastic few days, and that you have many more in the future.
I suppose I am owing y'all a post or 43. So much has happened that I just don't know where to start =/ Ah well. You never know until you try, so here goes...
I shall start where I left off.
Soul Survivour.
It was beautiful. amazing, emotional, and a bit of a rollercoaster. I don't know how to describe it really. Maybe Gloves or Kit-Kat will have a go. I had a fantastic time, despite not even being a Christian at the start. On the second day I started to be affected when they called on the Holy Spirit. Ninja did first time. It was terrifying. He would just collapse and start ... well. I don't really want to talk about it. It was horrible seeing him in pain and being able to do nothing. I wanted to find my faith again but I just couldn't. Continued to get more depressed, almost at the edge about to fall. The day I hit my worst, I left Gloves and Ninja snuggling and went for a walk round the Big Top. I was on the edge that day. I think the best metaphor is that I was walking along the edge of a cliff. Headed back, but realising I hadn't been missed I skirted the edge of everyone and stood at the back for a few minutes, trying not to get crushed by depressing-ness. I stood - metaphorically - on the very edge of my cliff, my toes just over the edge, my heart begging me to fall. I started to let myself. I started to give up and let myself fall into the darkness. And then two brilliant eyes like oceans smiled at me and caught me, pulling me out of the darkness and setting my feet on sturdy ground again. In front of me in my corner of the Big Top a guy suddenly appeared in front of me and smiled, a mop of brown hair on his head that framed two glittering blue-green eyes. I can't really remember what we said in those short few moments, but - as we would later admit to each other - we instantly felt as if we had known each other all our lives. How odd. I do remember that one of the first things he said to me was about the long balloons whizzing about above our heads: "They look like ... dogs" They looked nothing like dogs, and very much like something else. I really laughed for the first time in months. Months later I would remind him of that moment. My first glimpse into the dirty mind of The Ladybird (as I would later call him). At that moment in the Big Top, Ladybird was a 14 year old almost-stranger (he was part of our group of 80 odd campers, although he was from a different church so I didn't really know him.). It's always seemed odd that he was the one to rescue me. One would expect it to be someone I knew, but it wasn't. It was someone who had no reason to care. Today, I still don't know why he bothered to walk away from his friends and talk to a random stranger, but I am eternally grateful. After a few minutes of warm, random talking, Ninja and Gloves fell into our bubble. I hate it, but I must confess I was kind of disappointed and frustrated. I had wanted to keep The Ladybird to myself - just one friend who would remain untainted by the wavering friendships between me, ninja and gloves. One friendship where I would not be the one that got left out. But it was never going to happen, so I accepted my fate and went back to the awkward third-wheel feeling, and Ladybird went back to his friends. Curled up in my tent later I realised what had really happened in that split second. Not only was I pulled out of depression, but I found new hope, and my renewed my faith. Everything has looked much brighter since then, and I am much happier now I have found my faith again.
I had a Holy Spirit experience that night too. I collapsed, as I had before, but this time I got a warm tingly feeling up the spine in my neck. It was almost painful. I felt very weak afterwards as well, so Ninja and Gloves kept an eye on me <3
It was still bad when we got to the tent, so Ladybird beckoned me and gave me a neck massage...It was rather good XD My neck went warm and tingly again, but this time it started to feel better. Ladybird disappeared at one point and returned with a guitar - what a beauty XD We sat together until gone midnight, him guitaring and us watching each others eyes. His really are amazing. I frequently applied that adjective to Ladybird - and still do actually - and sometimes he returns the favour :)
On the last day I argued with Gloves, so she sat with Cleughy and I sat with Ladybird, Ninja and Unicorn (I didn't really know her yet but we are now facebook sisters XD and love each other to bits). T'was hilarious. In the evening service, Gloves collapsed when the Holy Spirit was called, but I wasn't sure whether to go over or not because of our argument. In the end, seeing her in pain was too unbearable, and so after a shove from Ladybird I went to sit beside her and prayed, bawling my eyes out at the same time. When she woke up, we were so happy to have each other close that we completely forgot about our argument. I spent the rest of the service with her, only returning to Ladybird to get lifted off my feet in a massive hug at the end.
So all in all, I had a truly wonderful time at SS, and I didn't want to go home.
I actually moped around for a couple of weeks afterwards... I'd get all sad around the times that we would have been going to the worship things. I got over it after a while. At Soul, Ladybird had said loads of lovely things, many of which had a massive impact. One of which was that I should learn guitar.... So when I went home, I threw myself into learning my brother's guitar. I spent hours a day on it. It was so much fun, and I wasn't too bad :) I still play now. I love it. Another thing to thank Ladybird for.
I'd talked with Ninja at SS, and told him about how I hadn't been feeling great about my relationship with M (Smurf).
When everything else had gone down hill, so had my feelings towards the relationship, and lately the good parts seemed to be fading from my mind, and all I could seem to think about was all that had gone wrong for us.
Not exactly the best way to be feeling in a relationship. So I started to make a decision.
Most of August is just a blur really. I assume I spent time with friends and family, which was probably lovely.
24th
Went to the cinema twice.
Saw Rise of The Apes with Gloves, Cleughy and some guy Gloves met.
Saw One Day with Gloves and a mass of other people. Chatted to Harry outside cause he was randomly there at one point. That was fun.
25th August - Results Day.
BOOM. The day all Students fear and anticipate equally. Mine was very eventful. Like, majorly. I got pretty good results.
2 A*s - Religious studies short course, religious studies long course.
6 As - English language, English literature, Maths, French, Citizenship, Science A
3 Bs - Science B, Graphics, Art.
Merit for ICT.
Went to a party at Cleughy's. T'was fun. Well. Parts of it were fun. Especially messing around with Lee on a mattress. Gosh, that sounds bad. It isn't, I swear. There were many pile ons, and at one point Lee tried to nick the blanket, and we ended up in a tug of war with the blanket... So I let go, and as he was pulling so hard, he went flying over the mattress XD it was like something out of a comic or kids TV animation. T'was hilarious.
In a long story short, I called Smurf and asked if we could take a short break cause I was feeling severely messed up and stuff. I cried into Ninja for about an hour. Got up, sorted myself out and tried to think positively. It was only a break. Not a break up.
So yeah.
More days blurring together after that, kinda suckishly cause I was miserable about Smurf.
Kept getting pissed off with Gloves this holiday. More than usual.
Just checked my diary...
Went to town with Gloves on the 26th. She got an electric guitar... meh. I felt crap that day, because I'd been wanting one for a while.
Lachs called, so that must have cheered me up.
27th:
Packed for Cornwall. Went to town and Marker Harborough with mum.
28th:
Went to see my brother in Cornwall <3
29th:
Mum's birthday
30th:
Back from Cornwall. Missing Alex already.
September:
Friday 2nd September:
Nerd's party. Fun times <3
Saturday 3rd:
Went L's house :D <3
Sunday 4th:
First visit to CTK was nice. Went to Ladybird's church for a Youth Service on the first Sunday of the month. T'was lovely. Obviously not quite SS, but so much better than my local Church.
Tuesday 6th:
School began, stressful as always.
Except this time, I had somewhere else to go. After a few lunch times feeling miserable ish with the bench gang, Gloves and I went wandering. We found Ladybird and Unicorn, and I finally met Lion. This is when some of the best times of my life began.
A second update on the way for the school months.
Hatter xx
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