Went to H's for an after exams party at about 11.30... That was fun. Well. It was awesome until some people arrived. And then it was less so.
Danced around with cereal in my hand along with H, Ife, Carla, and then Sexy Twin and Nerd. AND BUBBLES O.o We wuv bubbles :D Everyone else arrived after 20 minutes or so. We raved for a while, then headed to the park.
I think seeing Gloves with Smurf constantly makes me feel ten times worse now that she has finally admitted she likes him again. When she told me, I said I understood that she felt like that - I'd be a hypocrite not to. I still love him. But that doesn't mean I like it. And it certainly doesn't mean I enjoy seeing her constantly around him, inconsiderately in my face, on the day when it would have been 10 months for me and Smurf. So yeah. Gloves and Smurf pretty much made me feel crap all day.
Anyway. Mawsley park.
Jumped on the massive swing with Sexy Twin and others. Most others left. Me and Sexy Twin chatted for aaaages. Mainly about Smurf. We have decided that I should try and meet someone new to take my mind off him. We also discussed our mind-blowing sexiness. T'was muchos fun. Sexy Twin was replaced by Smurf... We just chatted a little. Then H and Ife joined us, and Smurf pushed the swing. I jumped off and trotted over to Sexy Twin to get a hug cause I was freezing. He informed me that X, Smurf and Jenni had been talking about me and Smurf, saying that I was over him and stuff... Wondering where they got that from because I'm certainly not over him, he is over me.
Played Snakes and Ladders with Carla, H and Ife. H won XD
I went and stood on a climbing thing by myself, and both X and Smurf headed over. They attempted to cheer me up. Think Smurf wanted to talk to me, byt not sure, as X was there. We all headed to the shop and bought sweeties. I looked at Valentine's day cards feeling crappy. Went outside and talked to a dog in a car. Everyone evacuated the shop. We all walked back to H's. I stuck with H and Sexy Twin cause they are awesome and took my mind off the fact that Smurf and Gloves were virtually inseparable today.
Got back to H's. Ate more food and stuff. Raved. Watched Smurf and Gloves. Got comforted by Nerd, H and Sexy Twin. Wore Smurf's jumper for a bit cause I was cold. Did sexy dancing with the girls. Laughed at Smurf and Nerd's jizz faces. Danced some more. Took Smurf's jumper off. Sat down. Ate. Sat on the sofa next to Nerd. Smurf decided to lie down across us. Rested my hand on his chest. He rested his hand on mine... Not sure how that made me feel. At one point he fell of the sofa and pulled me down with him so I landed on his lap. We stayed like that for a while, then Nerd and Gloves sat on the sofa and we leaned back on their legs and eventually moved. I also wished him a happy 10 months at one point. Surprisingly it wasn't awkward. Just painful for me. Raved on. Went outside and stood alone. Went to the loo. Came back to see Gloves laying on the sofa with Smurf... meh :/
Anywho. Nerd cheered me up and we all raved on until people were picked up. Said a long goodbye to my lovely H, Sexy Twin and the others, and headed to X's.
Drifted around feeling crap about Gloves and Smurf while Nerd and Timmy tried to make me feel better. Watched everyone play Dungeons and Dragons. Ate some lovely food. I sat eating mine in the back room. After a while, it was just Smurf and I, and we talked a little. He asked me what was wrong and I told him it was cause it was the 28th and it was painful. We talked a while about him asking me out and to prom and stuff... Then we sat in silence for a while. I forced myself not to cry and then left.
X then dropped me in the deep end and I played the role of Dungeon Master for half the group. It was quite fun actually. We took a break to get pudding, and Gloves and Smurf went to the Co-op together. So I felt crap again. By the time they returned, we had quit D+D and moved on to Just Dance 3... MUCHOS FUN XD I came 2nd out of 4 three times in a row. Stayed for a bit after the game and messed around with X's family <3
Went home, talked to mum, slept.
Sunday:
Mostly lazy/study day. I was also informed the Gloves and Smurf had kissed at a sleepover they had saturday-sunday with The Giant One. It felt like a really big deal, but after a few minutes I reached the numb point of almost-indifference. I guess it was confirmation or something. Either way, I just decided that they were both being quite bitchy and there was no point feeling pain for people like that. They'd hurt me, but I was over that. I regarded them as I regard my father. Tired indifference to them, but not the act. I was unhappy about what they had done, but I just didn't care about them any more. That part of me was gone. So I went on with my day. Uploaded photos to facebook. Studied. Listened to music. Occasionally ate. Updated my status to 'Doesn't it feel fantastic to be betrayed by your 'best friend'?'. Gloves then messaged me. We argued via fb messages. She didn't answer my last one, and then texted to ask me to meet her to talk on Monday.
I got on with my evening, and spoke to one of my lovely lovely brothers on the phone.
Monday:
Met Gloves at 8:45 (we both had a free lesson) at the park, and we talked. It took an hour. I was completely honest with her, including about Smurf, and how me understanding her feelings for him didn't mean I liked them and wanted them shoved in my face. We talked about everything really. Our fears, issues, hopes. She cried a few times, but I had run out of tears. Well, I did cry at one part, but that's because it was a particularly difficult thing for me to talk about. She told me about something that had happened at home, and I decided she had bigger problems to worry about, and I can't fight with her when she has that to deal with.
We both got a lift to school, then I had double RE -.- T'was pretty crap. I spent lunch with my lovelies - H, Sexy twin, L, Ife, and Unicorn. It was nice to chat with them. I talked to them about Saturday/Gloves and Smurf... I was then informed that Smurf had told L that Gloves gave him a hand job... Lovely. Luckily, I was still past the point of caring. It bothered me a bit, but I felt more like an outsider than anything else really. Having my gang there helped. I couldn't help but feel indifferent to it with that lot there helping me joke about it and stuff. Started to feel less calm, so me and H went to music for a little while and visited Ladybird. Left at the end of lunch feeling much calmer and happier. Double Psychology was veerrrry tiring -.- Monday evening - just worked, ate and watched two movies. Also texted Gloves. Turns out she apparently did NOT give Smurf a H.J. and was rather pissed off that he was going round saying that. Apparently she 'blew up in his face' over the phone, so he won't be saying things like that again. I messaged her and L, and we discussed Smurf for ages. Smurf was having a go at L for telling me what he'd said, but as usual, L exerted a small amount of his awesome and powned Smurf. Good Fairy ;) Unfortunately, their friendship has suffered :( But hopefully everything will return to a new normal soon.
Tuesday:
Woke up feeling utterly crap and ill. Didn't go to Tresham and instead worked on my photography at school all morning. H gave me some paracetamol at break so I started to feel a bit better. Spent lunch in music with H, Sexy twin (until he left for a driving lesson) and the music boys <3 Twas muchos fun. We danced around to this song, which is now the song of the day:
It also snowed a little. So that was good fun. Double English, however, was not. But hey. At the end of school Alex ran over in his special kind of odd way and gave me and le year 10 gang some hob nobs XD. Walked to the bus with Isaaac, Unicorn and Lion. <3 Fun times.
Bought biscuits on the way home with X, and now here I sit, writing this blog.
So yeah. Now you know about the past few days, and my fingers are absolutely freezing from typing in this igloo of a house, so I shall bid you adieu.
Adieu.
P.s. Zilla has written a fantastic post on soul mates and love, which really isn't that mushy at all and contains of an overwhelming amount of awesome. Read it, even if only because my post has been despicably uninteresting today. The post is officially the link of the day.
Le post of awesomeness
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