Dungeons, Dragons and Distasteful Dames

Saturday:
Went to H's for an after exams party at about 11.30... That was fun. Well. It was awesome until some people arrived. And then it was less so.
Danced around with cereal in my hand along with H, Ife, Carla, and then Sexy Twin and Nerd. AND BUBBLES O.o We wuv bubbles :D Everyone else arrived after 20 minutes or so. We raved for a while, then headed to the park.
I think seeing Gloves with Smurf constantly makes me feel ten times worse now that she has finally admitted she likes him again. When she told me, I said I understood that she felt like that - I'd be a hypocrite not to. I still love him. But that doesn't mean I like it. And it certainly doesn't mean I enjoy seeing her constantly around him, inconsiderately in my face, on the day when it would have been 10 months for me and Smurf. So yeah. Gloves and Smurf pretty much made me feel crap all day.
Anyway. Mawsley park.
Jumped on the massive swing with Sexy Twin and others. Most others left. Me and Sexy Twin chatted for aaaages. Mainly about Smurf. We have decided that I should try and meet someone new to take my mind off him. We also discussed our mind-blowing sexiness. T'was muchos fun. Sexy Twin was replaced by Smurf... We just chatted a little. Then H and Ife joined us, and Smurf pushed the swing. I jumped off and trotted over to Sexy Twin to get a hug cause I was freezing. He informed me that X, Smurf and Jenni had been talking about me and Smurf, saying that I was over him and stuff... Wondering where they got that from because I'm certainly not over him, he is over me.
Played Snakes and Ladders with Carla, H and Ife. H won XD
I went and stood on a climbing thing by myself, and both X and Smurf headed over. They attempted to cheer me up. Think Smurf wanted to talk to me, byt not sure, as X was there. We all headed to the shop and bought sweeties. I looked at Valentine's day cards feeling crappy. Went outside and talked to a dog in a car. Everyone evacuated the shop. We all walked back to H's. I stuck with H and Sexy Twin cause they are awesome and took my mind off the fact that Smurf and Gloves were virtually inseparable today.
Got back to H's. Ate more food and stuff. Raved. Watched Smurf and Gloves. Got comforted by Nerd, H and Sexy Twin. Wore Smurf's jumper for a bit cause I was cold. Did sexy dancing with the girls. Laughed at Smurf and Nerd's jizz faces. Danced some more. Took Smurf's jumper off. Sat down. Ate. Sat on the sofa next to Nerd. Smurf decided to lie down across us. Rested my hand on his chest. He rested his hand on mine... Not sure how that made me feel. At one point he fell of the sofa and pulled me down with him so I landed on his lap. We stayed like that for a while, then Nerd and Gloves sat on the sofa and we leaned back on their legs and eventually moved. I also wished him a happy 10 months at one point. Surprisingly it wasn't awkward. Just painful for me. Raved on. Went outside and stood alone. Went to the loo. Came back to see Gloves laying on the sofa with Smurf... meh :/
Anywho. Nerd cheered me up and we all raved on until people were picked up. Said a long goodbye to my lovely H, Sexy Twin and the others, and headed to X's.
Drifted around feeling crap about Gloves and Smurf while Nerd and Timmy tried to make me feel better. Watched everyone play Dungeons and Dragons. Ate some lovely food. I sat eating mine in the back room. After a while, it was just Smurf and I, and we talked a little. He asked me what was wrong and I told him it was cause it was the 28th and it was painful. We talked a while about him asking me out and to prom and stuff...  Then we sat in silence for a while. I forced myself not to cry and then left.
X then dropped me in the deep end and I played the role of Dungeon Master for half the group. It was quite fun actually. We took a break to get pudding, and Gloves and Smurf went to the Co-op together. So I felt crap again. By the time they returned, we had quit D+D and moved on to Just Dance 3... MUCHOS FUN XD I came 2nd out of 4 three times in a row. Stayed for a bit after the game and messed around with X's family <3
Went home, talked to mum, slept.


Sunday:
Mostly lazy/study day. I was also informed the Gloves and Smurf had kissed at a sleepover they had saturday-sunday with The Giant One. It felt like a really big deal, but after a few minutes I reached the numb point of almost-indifference. I guess it was confirmation or something. Either way, I just decided that they were both being quite bitchy and there was no point feeling pain for people like that. They'd hurt me, but I was over that. I regarded them as I regard my father. Tired indifference to them, but not the act. I was unhappy about what they had done, but I just didn't care about them any more. That part of me was gone. So I went on with my day. Uploaded photos to facebook. Studied. Listened to music. Occasionally ate. Updated my status to 'Doesn't it feel fantastic to be betrayed by your 'best friend'?'. Gloves then messaged me. We argued via fb messages. She didn't answer my last one, and then texted to ask me to meet her to talk on Monday.
I got on with my evening, and spoke to one of my lovely lovely brothers on the phone.

Monday:
Met Gloves at 8:45 (we both had a free lesson) at the park, and we talked. It took an hour. I was completely honest with her, including about Smurf, and how me understanding her feelings for him didn't mean I liked them and wanted them shoved in my face. We talked about everything really. Our fears, issues, hopes. She cried a few times, but I had run out of tears. Well, I did cry at one part, but that's because it was a particularly difficult thing for me to talk about. She told me about something that had happened at home, and I decided she had bigger problems to worry about, and I can't fight with her when she has that to deal with.
We both got a lift to school, then I had double RE -.- T'was pretty crap. I spent lunch with my lovelies - H, Sexy twin, L, Ife, and Unicorn. It was nice to chat with them. I talked to them about Saturday/Gloves and Smurf... I was then informed that Smurf had told L that Gloves gave him a hand job... Lovely. Luckily, I was still past the point of caring. It bothered me a bit, but I felt more like an outsider than anything else really. Having my gang there helped. I couldn't help but feel indifferent to it with that lot there helping me joke about it and stuff. Started to feel less calm, so me and H went to music for a little while and visited Ladybird. Left at the end of lunch feeling much calmer and happier. Double Psychology was veerrrry tiring -.- Monday evening - just worked, ate and watched two movies. Also texted Gloves. Turns out she apparently did NOT give Smurf a H.J. and was rather pissed off that he was going round saying that. Apparently she 'blew up in his face' over the phone, so he won't be saying things like that again. I messaged her and L, and we discussed Smurf for ages. Smurf was having a go at L for telling me what he'd said, but as usual, L exerted a small amount of his awesome and powned Smurf. Good Fairy ;) Unfortunately, their friendship has suffered :( But hopefully everything will return to a new normal soon.


Tuesday:
Woke up feeling utterly crap and ill. Didn't go to Tresham and instead worked on my photography at school all morning. H gave me some paracetamol at break so I started to feel a bit better. Spent lunch in music with H, Sexy twin (until he left for a driving lesson) and the music boys <3 Twas muchos fun. We danced around to this song, which is now the song of the day:

It also snowed a little. So that was good fun. Double English, however, was not. But hey. At the end of school Alex ran over in his special kind of odd way and gave me and le year 10 gang some hob nobs XD. Walked to the bus with Isaaac, Unicorn and Lion. <3 Fun times. 
Bought biscuits on the way home with X, and now here I sit, writing this blog.
So yeah. Now you know about the past few days, and my fingers are absolutely freezing from typing in this igloo of a house, so I shall bid you adieu.




Adieu.


P.s. Zilla has written a fantastic post on soul mates and love, which really isn't that mushy at all and contains of an overwhelming amount of awesome. Read it, even if only because my post has been despicably uninteresting today. The post is officially the link of the day.
Le post of awesomeness

It's Friday, Friday, Friday....

Save your heart for someone worth dying for.

Bad few days. Fun times in music though <3


Wednesday:
My shoe broke today -.-
Helped out a year 10 english student cause Mrs P asked me to :)


Massive fall out with Gloves, which is a bit frustrating. Tried to talk to her today, but she was in her 'special place' as usual so I couldn't find her. Getting rather fed up.


Thursday:
Felt a little crap after finding out that a certain someone likes a certain someone. 
Went into assembly and witnessed a funny incident. To L, "Wrong bluddy door" XD
Had boring lessons.
Ended up going for a walk with L at break so I didn't have to be at the bench. Went to music pretty quickly at lunch. Had many fun times. Love ma boys <3 Ended up being just Ladybird and I, because Nephew and Ben had to disappear half way through lunch. T'was quite nice <3 Although Ladybird somehow managed to get a nosebleed! D= We had a good chat. When he wasn't bleeding, anyway...


Trying not to need him and the others so much, but given the developments with the certain people, it's not working. I'm just going to let myself enjoy what I can, so that that bad parts bother me less.


Nice poem for you:
In my sky at twilight you are like a cloud
and your form and colour are the way I love them.
You are mine, mine, woman with sweet lips
and in your life my infinite dreams live.

The lamp of my soul dyes your feet,
the sour wine is sweeter on your lips,
oh reaper of my evening song,
how solitary dreams believe you to be mine!

You are mine, mine, I go shouting it to the afternoon's
wind, and the wind hauls on my widowed voice.
Huntress of the depth of my eyes, your plunder
stills your nocturnal regard as though it were water.

You are taken in the net of my music, my love,
and my nets of music are wide as the sky.
My soul is born on the shore of your eyes of mourning.
In your eyes of mourning the land of dreams begin. 

It's the Hubba Bubba overlord

The title is a quote of Noel Fielding on Never Mind The Buzzcocks at some point.


Forewarning:
I had an excessively happy day, and now I'm rather hyper. I'm blaming Mischa, cause he was so damn happy today! Plus I bought Haribos for the year 10s at lunch...


Went to town with L first lesson, and had muchos fun being the deranged people we are.
Chatted to my wife, sons and a random person called Holly at break.
Spent double RE sat next to James, and we created AWESOME castaway island rules. Plus I married Jasper for an hour with Haribo rings. That was lovely.
Lunch... :)
Went to music, many mad ruffian moments outside with Ben, Ladybird, Mischa and Nephew. Went in the music room, and had muchos fun with the gang nomming Haribos. I love them all <3
Double Psychology with a new teacher was ...eventful.
Home on the bus with Charlotte was fun.


Interesting post on the way. No time right now. May have a guest appearance from Zilla tomorrow.


Quote of the day is the title of this post, courtesy of Noel Fielding
Song of the day: All along the Watchtower (Jimi Hendrix)

Hatter xx


P.s. Massive thanks to you all for getting the page views to over 3000! I am very grateful and rather astonished to be honest! x

The massive catch up that I have owed you for billions of years part 1

Greetings my dear followers, and Happy Holidays.


I hope you have all had a fantastic few days, and that you have many more in the future.


I suppose I am owing y'all a post or 43. So much has happened that I just don't know where to start =/ Ah well. You never know until you try, so here goes...


I shall start where I left off.
Soul Survivour.
It was beautiful. amazing, emotional, and a bit of a rollercoaster. I don't know how to describe it really. Maybe Gloves or Kit-Kat will have a go. I had a fantastic time, despite not even being a Christian at the start. On the second day I started to be affected when they called on the Holy Spirit. Ninja did first time. It was terrifying. He would just collapse and start ... well. I don't really want to talk about it. It was horrible seeing him in pain and being able to do nothing. I wanted to find my faith again but I just couldn't. Continued to get more depressed, almost at the edge about to fall. The day I hit my worst, I left Gloves and Ninja snuggling and went for a walk round the Big Top. I was on the edge that day. I think the best metaphor is that I was walking along the edge of a cliff. Headed back, but realising I hadn't been missed I skirted the edge of everyone and stood at the back for a few minutes, trying not to get crushed by depressing-ness. I stood - metaphorically - on the very edge of my cliff, my toes just over the edge, my heart begging me to fall. I started to let myself. I started to give up and let myself fall into the darkness. And then two brilliant eyes like oceans smiled at me and caught me, pulling me out of the darkness and setting my feet on sturdy ground again. In front of me in my corner of the Big Top a guy suddenly appeared in front of me and smiled, a mop of brown hair on his head that framed two glittering blue-green eyes. I can't really remember what we said in those short few moments, but - as we would later admit to each other - we instantly felt as if we had known each other all our lives. How odd.  I do remember that one of the first things he said to me was about the long balloons whizzing about above our heads: "They look like ... dogs" They looked nothing like dogs, and very much like something else. I really laughed for the first time in months. Months later I would remind him of that moment. My first glimpse into the dirty mind of The Ladybird (as I would later call him). At that moment in the Big Top, Ladybird was a 14 year old almost-stranger (he was part of our group of 80 odd campers, although he was from a different church so I didn't really know him.). It's always seemed odd that he was the one to rescue me. One would expect it to be someone I knew, but it wasn't. It was someone who had no reason to care. Today, I still don't know why he bothered to walk away from his friends and talk to a random stranger, but I am eternally grateful. After a few minutes of warm, random talking, Ninja and Gloves fell into our bubble. I hate it, but I must confess I was kind of disappointed and frustrated. I had wanted to keep The Ladybird to myself - just one friend who would remain untainted by the wavering friendships between me, ninja and gloves. One friendship where I would not be the one that got left out. But it was never going to happen, so I accepted my fate and went back to the awkward third-wheel feeling, and Ladybird went back to his friends. Curled up in my tent later I realised what had really happened in that split second. Not only was I pulled out of depression, but I found new hope, and my renewed my faith. Everything has looked much brighter since then, and I am much happier now I have found my faith again.
I had a Holy Spirit experience that night too. I collapsed, as I had before, but this time I got a warm  tingly feeling up the spine in my neck. It was almost painful. I felt very weak afterwards as well, so Ninja and Gloves kept an eye on me <3
It was still bad when we got to the tent, so Ladybird beckoned me and gave me a neck massage...It was rather good XD My neck went warm and tingly again, but this time it started to feel better.  Ladybird disappeared at one point and returned with a guitar - what a beauty XD We sat together until gone midnight, him guitaring and us watching each others eyes. His really are amazing. I frequently applied that adjective to Ladybird - and still do actually - and sometimes he returns the favour :)
On the last day I argued with Gloves, so she sat with Cleughy and I sat with Ladybird, Ninja and Unicorn (I didn't really know her yet but we are now facebook sisters XD and love each other to bits). T'was hilarious. In the evening service, Gloves collapsed when the Holy Spirit was called, but I wasn't sure whether to go over or not because of our argument. In the end, seeing her in pain was too unbearable, and so after a shove from  Ladybird I went to sit beside her and prayed, bawling my eyes out at the same time. When she woke up, we were so happy to have each other close that we completely forgot about our argument. I spent the rest of the service with her, only returning to Ladybird to get lifted off my feet in a massive hug at the end.
So all in all, I had a truly wonderful time at SS, and I didn't want to go home.


I actually moped around for a couple of weeks afterwards... I'd get all sad around the times that we would have been going to the worship things. I got over it after a while. At Soul, Ladybird had said loads of lovely things, many of which had a massive impact. One of which was that I should learn guitar.... So when I went home, I threw myself into learning my brother's guitar. I spent hours a day on it. It was so much fun, and I wasn't too bad :) I still play now. I love it. Another thing to thank Ladybird for.


I'd talked with Ninja at SS, and told him about how I hadn't been feeling great about my relationship with M (Smurf). 
When everything else had gone down hill, so had my feelings towards the relationship, and lately the good parts seemed to be fading from my mind, and all I could seem to think about was all that had gone wrong for us. 
Not exactly the best way to be feeling in a relationship. So I started to make a decision.


Most of August is just a blur really. I assume I spent time with friends and family, which was probably lovely.


24th 
Went to the cinema twice.
Saw Rise of The Apes with Gloves, Cleughy and some guy Gloves met.
Saw One Day with Gloves and a mass of other people. Chatted to Harry outside cause he was randomly there at one point. That was fun.


25th August - Results Day.
BOOM. The day all Students fear and anticipate equally. Mine was very eventful. Like, majorly. I got pretty good results.
2 A*s - Religious studies short course, religious studies long course.
6 As - English language, English literature, Maths, French, Citizenship, Science A
3 Bs - Science B, Graphics, Art.
Merit for ICT.


Went to a party at Cleughy's. T'was fun. Well. Parts of it were fun. Especially messing around with Lee on a mattress. Gosh, that sounds bad. It isn't, I swear. There were many pile ons, and at one point Lee tried to nick the blanket, and we ended up in a tug of war with the blanket... So I let go, and as he was pulling so hard, he went flying over the mattress XD it was like something out of a comic or kids TV animation. T'was hilarious.
In a long story short, I called Smurf and asked if we could take a short break cause I was feeling severely messed up and stuff. I cried into Ninja for about an hour. Got up, sorted myself out and tried to think positively. It was only a break. Not a break up. 
So yeah.


More days blurring together after that, kinda suckishly cause I was miserable about Smurf.
Kept getting pissed off with Gloves this holiday. More than usual.


Just checked my diary...
Went to town with Gloves on the 26th. She got an electric guitar... meh. I felt crap that day, because I'd been wanting one for a while. 
Lachs called, so that must have cheered me up.


27th:
Packed for Cornwall. Went to town and Marker Harborough with mum.


28th:
Went to see my brother in Cornwall <3


29th:
Mum's birthday


30th:
Back from Cornwall. Missing Alex already.


September:
Friday 2nd September:
Nerd's party. Fun times <3


Saturday 3rd:
Went L's house :D <3


Sunday 4th:
First visit to CTK was nice. Went to Ladybird's church for a Youth Service on the first Sunday of the month. T'was lovely. Obviously not quite SS, but so much better than my local Church.


Tuesday 6th:
School began, stressful as always.
Except this time, I had somewhere else to go. After a few lunch times feeling miserable ish with the bench gang, Gloves and I went wandering. We found Ladybird and Unicorn, and I finally met Lion. This is when some of the best times of my life began.


A second update on the way for the school months.


Hatter xx

Darling don't you ever grow up

Taylor Swift - Never Grow Up


Kit posted a lovely post about someone that makes her smile, and hon, I know exactly what you mean. Sort of.
I have a half-brother who was adopted out of the family, and whose existence I only discovered a few years ago. He is married, and in the time that I have known him, he has been blessed with two lovely children. One daughter - Harriet, and one son - Tobias. I love them to bits. They call me Auntie Jenny even though our family situation is far too complicated for them to understand. I held Tobias earlier in 2011, and my heart just felt so warm. 
My half sister produces the same feelings. So do my brothers, though they are older than me.


What's really weird, is how much the Year 10s produce the same feelings.
I sat watching Ladybird the other day, and realised how much I don't want him to have to grow up. I want that cheeky grin I know so well to never disappear. I don't want him to face the hardships that I know are coming for him. For all of them.
I've been told I'm a mother hen a thousand times before, but I don't think I really was until now. Or at least I didn't really know what it meant to be a mother hen.
To quote Katherine: 

"The only thing in my world worse than something bad happening to him [them, in my case] would be knowing that it happened on my watch - and so I can't ever let that happen. I won't let it happen."


Another song from Miss Swift:
Innocent:

"It's all right, just wait and see
Your strangled lights are still bright to me
Who you are is not what you've been
You're still an innocent."


Hatter xx

Oh dear God.

I just googled "How to get over someone"
Someone help me...
Please.

Quality banter

Wednesday: Good day for excellent banter.
^^ Seriously quality banter at lunch time and helping out in Year 10 RE today <3
I had good fun chatting to the troublesome pair and getting them to work. And I chatted to the people on the back row today XD They are cool. 
I may have been asked out by a year 10 though... yeah. Joking around, but still. Quality times ;) I was with the troublesome two and they were under the assumption that I had a boyfriend. When I corrected them, one of them said "Do you want one?" ... That was ...odd. So I just chuckled and said "Not right now, sorry", the reply to which was "Ah well. I'll try again in fifteen minutes."
They worked pretty well that lesson. I was proud of them, cause Mr B had asked me to make sure they kept working, and I always manage to get them to work while they chat, so all is good.
I think Ben managed to get a detention... again. No idea how, since he finished the work straight away... maybe Mr B got jealous of his height.


ANYWAY.
I get way too big a buzz from helping out in that lesson.


Thursday:
STUFF.
Yeah. I really can't be bothered to blog, so I'll do it after How I Met Your Mother.
Erm.
School lessons were as they always are. Boring. Although it was my last psychology lesson with Mrs Mitchell so we had good times and ate cakes. Lunch, L and Unicorn were in one music room together, Ladybird and Mad Harry were learning something for the music teachers in another room, so Charlotte and I just went in the usual practice room and I guitared while she drew the giutar and we had a nice girly chat. Got joined by L, Unicorn and Ladybird, chatted. L and Ladybird disappeared. L came back. People left, I went to chat to Ladybird. Lunch ended.
Chatted to Smurf in my free... that was... unusual. And good. And kind of bitter-sweet. Still love him, still can't have him.


Friday:
Woke up at 6am with a migraine and almost fainted a couple of times, so mum made me go back to sleep - not complaining. So I got into school at lunch time, went up to music and sat with Ladybird while he guitared. Stuck a gold star on his cheek and he kept forgetting. When I hugged him goodbye it was still there XD 
Had one lesson - English, which was boring, as usual.
One free - didn't get anything done. Chatted to people. Texted Smurf.
Went home.
Ate at Jenni's. Played guitar.
Came home.
Watched stuff.


Found out that Twiggy has an album out... Did you know that?
I didn't. It's lovely.


Saw an ad for this movie with Ladybird earlier, and think it looks pretty good, so the trailer is the video of the post.


Hatter xx

P.s.
My dog keeps farting.
It stinks D:

One of those irritating note thingys that I would advise you not to read.

1. Last beverage ~ Chocolate milk

2. Last phone call~ Urgh... Unsuccessful, William. He didn't pick up -.- Successful, Mum, apparently.

3. Last kiss~ A long time ago. With Jordan. Who I'm still not over.

4. Last song you listened to~ Probably... Either Pumped up kicks by Foster the people (blame Seb) or Fleetwood Mac - Dreams. I can't remember which.

5. Last time you cried~ Last night. Responding to a long message - I cried cause I thought about something painful.

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice ~ Yes.

7. Been cheated on? ~ Not that I'm aware of. 

8. Kissed someone & regretted it ? ~ Yeah...

9. Lost someone special? ~ Yes, I have.

10. Been depressed? ~ I have never been professional diagnosed. But I have been what I would call depressed, and I was once suicidal.

11. Been high? ~ No. 

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Ocean Blue

13. Forest Green

14. Purple. I think. Unsure.

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Have you made new friends this year ~ Erm. In the 2011-2012 academic, hell yes. I have befriended some truly awesome people, who I adore.

16. Fallen out of love ~ Not sure really.

17. Laughed until you cried ~ Frequently. Almost today I think. My music boys know how to keep me smiling and laughing until I am filled with joy.

18. Met someone who changed you ~ Yes.Thank you.

19. Found out who your true friends were ~ Very recently, yes.

20. Found out someone was talking about you ~ Yup.

21. Kissed anyone on your top friends list ~ Yes. 

TRUTH:

23. How many kids do you want to have ~ More than one. My brothers mean so much to me. I fall apart without them. Truthfully, I'd love two boys and a girl. Because for me, growing up with two older brothers has been brilliant, and I would love any daughter of mine to experience that awesomeness.

24. Do you have any pets ~ My cat - Tigerlily, and my brother's dog Baileys.

25. Do you want to change your name ~ No.

26. What did you do for your last birthday ~ Hung out with friends and mum <3 Cause we are just too cool. Zilla = awesome.

27. What time did you wake up today ~ 6am. and then 7am.

28. What were you doing at midnight last night ~ Revising. Listening to music.

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for ~ Tomorrow. I'm excited to see what the new day will bring, and I don't have much else to look forward to.

30. Last time you saw your father ~ 3rd of January.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life ~ Nothing really. Well... a lot, but changing the bad stuff might affect the brilliant stuff, so I refuse to change anything XD I would like to have more of an opportunity and motivation to exercise more.

32. What are you listening to right now ~ QI XL. Ahhh Stephen Fry.

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom ~ Duh.

34. What’s getting on your nerves right now? ~ Mum being loud in the kitchen. Being tired at 11.30pm on the one day I don't want to be.

36. Whats your real name ~ Jennifer. No, I am not putting my surname. I'd rather as few people as possible know who writes this.

37. Relationship Status ~ Single, and not feeling too great about it.

38. Zodiac sign ~ Leo

39. Male or female ~ Female

40. Elementary School ~ Northampton High school for girls. Barry road primary.

41. Middle School ~ Bishop Stopford, then Bishop and Tresham. Not too shabby.

43. Hair color ~ Blond.

44. Long or short ~ Kind of midlength.

45. Height ~ Short. As Will and the others frequently remind me.

46. Do you have a crush on someone ~ Yes. *Sigh of frustration*

47. What do you like about yourself ~ That I care about others as much as I do. I like that I find it quite easy to make friends with people, and very easy to talk to guys. After a lot of persistence from Will and Lachs, I accept myself now - physical: I like my eyes, and my hair, and my shape, despite being short.

48. Piercings ~ 1 on each lobe.

49. Tattoos ~ Not yet!

50. Righty or lefty ~ Righty. Although I do a lot of things left handed because mum is left handed and I watched her as a child.

FIRSTS :

51. First surgery ~ Not really had any.

52. First piercing ~ Lobes

53. First tattoo ~ Not yet!

54. First best friend ~ Simba.

55. First Sport ~ I'll say dance counts since I've always been shit at sports.

56. First pet ~ Bluebell the rabbit I think.

57. First vacation ~ Don't remember.

58. First concert ~ other than school concerts... Busted and Mcfly in Kent.

59. First crush ~ Guy I'd known since nursery. I danced with him in our year 6 play.

60. First alcohol drink ~ Other than wine and champers? T'would be cider I think <3 Beaut.

RIGHT NOW:

61. Eating ~ Nothing.

62. Drinking ~ Nought.

63. I’m about to ~ Go to bed

64. Listening to ~ QI

65. Waiting for ~ The questions to be over

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OTHER SEX?

69. Lips or eyes~ Eyes I like light eyes like blue-greens and such. Lips are lovely, but I always notice eyes first.

70. Hugs or kisses ~ Both!

71. Shorter or taller ~ Taller

72. Older or Younger ~ I don't mind

73. Romantic or spontaneous ~ ... both?

74. Nice stomach or nice arms ~ Don't mind. arms maybe. Abs are sexy, but not priority

75. Tattoos or piercings ~ Depends on the guy

76. Sensitive or loud ~ Why must I choose? Surely they can be both?

77. Hook-up or relationship ~ Relationship.

78. Trouble maker or hesitant ~ Don't mind. Though I think I prefer a bit of a trouble maker.

HAVE YOU EVER :

79. Kissed a stranger ~ Not as far as I can remember.

80. Drank hard liquor ~ Maybe

81. Lost glasses/contacts ~ Only briefly

82. Cried in front of someone ~ Yes. Lachlan, without whom I would not survive lately

83. Broken someone’s heart ~ Yeeahh...

84. Had your own heart broken ~ Yeah

85. Been arrested ~ Nope

86. Turned someone down ~ Yuh huh.

87. Cried when someone died ~ Yes.

88. Liked a friend that is a girl ~ No.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

89. Yourself ~ I'm starting to, thanks to my mum, brothers, Lachlan, Rory and Will.

90. Miracles ~ Yes. Though it depends what one means.

91. Love at first sight ~ Not really.

92. Heaven ~ In a way.

93. Santa Clause ~ No.

94. Kissing on the first date ~ Yes

95. Angels ~ Depends what you mean again, but sort of.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

96. Is there one person you want to be with right now ~ Several. My brothers in particular.

97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time ~ No way.

98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever ~ As Chicken Fingers said: "It's possible, but you have to work at it, of course"

99. What’s the one thing you cannot live without ~ Music, I think.

100. Describe your perfect day ~ Laid back morning, not starting too early. Waking up in the arms of someone special and spending the day with him in some happy place, and then some fun times jamming with our friends. End the day with a picnic under the stars with him, and fall asleep the same way that I woke up. I guess.

There. If you bothered to read that you know slightly more about me.

Stolen from Kit.

Hatter xx

Exam

Was okay. Hope I get at least a B... doubt I will though.


I went to music at lunch before the exam even though I'd promised myself I wouldn't... I don't regret going XD
Lots of laughs with 'my boys' XD Although... t'was occasionally disturbing... 
YO FAIRY.
.
.
.
.
.


LE STUMP ;)


Sorry, just had to give Fairy a horrific mental image.


So yeah. Other than lunch I had an okay/crap day. But we shan't go into details.


I can't think of anything interesting to say, so here is the image for the day, courtesy of my chat with Isaaaaaac.

The Thousandth Man

Did a link to this, but couldn't resist doing a whole post.

The Thousandth Man
By Rudyard Kipling

One man in a thousand, Solomon says,
Will stick more close than a brother.
And it’s worth while seeking him half your days
If you find him before the other.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine depend
On what the world sees in you,
But the Thousandth Man will stand your friend
With the whole round world agin you.

‘Tis neither promise nor prayer nor show
Will settle the finding for ‘ee.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of ‘em go
By your looks or your acts or your glory.
But if he finds you and you find him,
The rest of the world don’t matter;
For the Thousandth Man will sink or swim
With you in any water.

You can use his purse with no more talk
Than he uses yours for his spendings,
And laugh and meet in your daily walk
As though there had been no lendings.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of ‘em call
For silver and gold in their dealings;
But the Thousandth Man he’s worth ‘em all,
Because you can show him your feelings.

His wrong’s your wrong, and his right’s your right,
In season or out of season.
Stand up and back it in all men’s sight—
With that for your only reason!
Nine hundred and ninety-nine can’t bide
The shame or mocking or laughter,
But the Thousandth Man will stand by your side
To the gallows-foot—and after!

IMMA SLAP YU IN DA FAAACE.

Not you, m'dear, them.
She is supposed to be my best friend, and like a sister, but she certainly isn't acting like it.
We just officially broke up - and it certainly wasn't my choice - and they are already all over each other in front of me. They may not be together or doing anything couple-y, but the way they are with each other  - In front of me, I may add. - flirting and such, well... it hurts like a bitch.
I know he is pissed cause he thinks I'm ridiculously close to the other guy, but at least I'm never with him in front of them. Ever. And he's just... pretending that me and my feelings don't exist.
I'm only at the bench for 10 minutes at lunch time, and then I'm gone. Can't they just be a tiny bit more considerate and not be like that so completely for those 10 minutes?? If I have the decency to keep what he assumes I'm like with t'other guy away from him, can't they have the decency to hold their flirting and shiz off a tiny bit for that tiny amount of time???
Just realised how little sense any of this makes to y'all, but hey. Please just let me rant. 
I'm exhausted from taking their crap and pretending not to care. I don't know how much more I can take.
He says I shouldn't go to the music rooms and leave the bench every day, but how can I stay?? They are driving me away because they don't realise how soon it really is... and how painful it is for me to see.
ARGH. For fuck's sake! They just shove it in my face and don't realise or care how much it fucking well hurts! I'm not even the only one they are pissing off! For crying out loud why can't they see what they do?! And if they do see it, why do they do it?! 
*breathes*
It's not just them.
It's the way she acts too.
She gets upset when I don't tell her anything, but she tells me nothing. She calls me her sister but her actions say otherwise. She calls people a slut but flirts with everyone all the time, even if she says she doesn't realise she is doing it.
She doesn't talk to me or anyone other than a couple of guys unless she absolutely has to, and she never talks to me unless she thinks I'm upset.
And she still doesn't realise it's because of her.
I have always stood up for her, defended her, cared for her and been concerned for her. I've done so much for her and she just casts it aside. I appreciate everything she has done for me, and I am so so grateful. But she doesn't seem to feel the same. When she was upset, I comforted her, no matter how I felt. I defended her against my closest friends when they said she was just attention seeking, even if I wasn't sure myelf. When she cut herself and asked me to help her hide it, I did. From my family, her family, and our friends. Because she asked me too. She doesn't eat, and I keep that from her family too. She got depressed and stopped talking to me, but still I tried to be there for her. She flirted with him, and still I cared. She walks all over me, and I let her. I used to know why.
Despite everything, I still worry about her. So much. She may be blind to everyone but herself, but we are not blind to her. She might have forgotten me, but I still care for her safety. And she is beginning to give me no choice but to do the one thing I said I wouldn't. I'm beginning to think that since there is nothing she will let me do for her any more, I need to pass on the truth to the people who can actually watch over her properly. I wish I didn't have to, but I'm worried about her and she is giving me no choice.


I shouldn't post this.
And I probably won't act on it.
Just ignore this and think of it as a ridiculous enraged splurge that concerns no one but myself.
Sorry.
I just had to get it out.

Serious shit, dude.

Bahahaa.

Aha... 
....




Fuck off -.-


Sorry.
Tail end of a rant...
Just had a massive rant as a blog post, deciding whether to post it or not.
Really don't know...
Ah well.


REVISION...
Yeah...
No.


Have a song:

Sharks in the sea.

Hrrr.

Friday wasn't fantastic. Never thought it would be. Even got a little tearful with the Fairy at lunch, but hey. We had done more singing and whatnot so it wasn't too bad.
 Should have revised in the evening but, as usual, I guitared and stuff instead. Attempted revision whilst watching the Lake House. Failed. I love that movie too much. If you haven't seen it, you should watch it.
I've tweaked one of my favourite 'Lake House' quotes to match my crap-ness:
"The man standing in front of me who would happily marry me, him I push away. But the man I just met and can never have? Him, I would give my whole heart too."
Yeah.
Sucks.


Do love that movie.


Just realised that Thursday (my 'Perfect day') was the 12th. So 5 months ago on Thursday was the day Ladybird and I met properly, and therefore the day that he pulled me away from the cliff edge. I suppose that subconscious knowledge combined with the joy created by having a wonderful lunchtime jamming session was a sure fire way for me to be happy :) Good times indeed.


Saturday.
Eh. I'm revising... FUN.


Craving salt and vinegar crisps and some coke or pepsi... I always have the exact same craving when I revise for exams O.o 
All out though so I have sent mum off to get some for me XD
Last time I sent mum out for stuff to help me study, she came back with two revision guides... and a Vogue :D That, m'dears, is why having an ex-fashion-designer for a mother is always awesome.


Anywho. Something interesting...
I have decided to put a link up to my _____ of the day from now on. Each time I post, I will try and give you a link to an image, music video, web page, blog or blog post of the day. Hopefully it will be something awesome, reflective of my post, or motivational.
Today, it is Manvotional.
The Thousandth Man
Enjoy.


Also, whenever you feel like it, just comment with something you want me to talk about, or something you find interesting, or even a bit of your own story that you want to share. Let me know, and I'll tell the World. Well... the world that is the tiny amount of people that read this. 


Hatter xx

Perfect.

Today literally was.
Morning was fine, lunch was so damn awesome. T'was me, Ladybird, Nephew and Fairy in one of the music practise rooms XD I started playing Tears In Heaven by Eric Clapton and they all started watching me... freaking weird O.o I taught it to them, and then Ladybird and I played and sang it together... it was so so awesome. And amazing. And perfect to me. I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the day <3 I do love those three. With all my heart.
In the afternoon, I had an easy lesson and got revision done in my free <= So proud of myself XD Saw people. Nicked nephew's hat during my free.
Today is one of those days that make life worthwhile :)

Sunset was beautiful today <3


In a really good mood now. *dances merrily*


Even Gloves and M being... well. All over each other... isn't bothering me today. I'm too happy to care XD


In case you have had a crap day:


If you have had a far from perfect day
Keep smiling, and the pain will go away
Think happy thoughts until you fly
Smile and wave your sorrows good bye


Just remember you are awesome, and keep smiling. 


Love you
Hatter
xx

'Happyness'

(Title in reference to brilliant film: The Pursuit of Happyness. Just so Zilla doesn't throttle me)


Kit-Kat asked me to talk about what made me happy... so... here ya go XD


Knowing that though I might slip and fall, I have people around me who will catch me and never let go. 
That thought continually makes me happy when I am down. Like... all the time XD Mr Fairy is being especially amazing lately <3


This bunch of brilliant ruffians, without whom I would not survive <3

The Lion, The Ladybird, The Unicorn, Gloves, Le Ninja, The Zilla.

^^ This picture. Brilliant memory, and it always motivates me to keep holding on. And it just makes me smile :)


... See :)

Mother dear <3


Reading, writing, drawing.


MUSIC.
ALWAYS.
TIS MA LIFE.
ISH.
EITHER WAY.
TIS AWESOME.


Spending time with my family.




Looking back at this post I feel kind of proud of myself. Once upon a time, my answer would have included my phone, laptop, etc... But I guess that on my pursuit of 'happyness' so far, I have found that the things of most value are not passing technologies, but that which will always remain. Friends, family, imagination and music.
My friends are so damn epic. I wish I could film every moment, so that I never forget the complete AWESOMENESS that they... emit. Like weird awesome-emitting loons. Don't know why I made that a simile... they ARE weird awesome-emitting loons. And I wouldn't have them any other way XD That's right Kit-Kat, if you stop being yourself, I will eat your soul. I'm serious.
;)


Anywho.


That was fairly happy for me right?


Tell me what makes you happy nit-wits ;)


Love y'all


Hatter xx 


EDIT:
P.s. Because Kit-Kat knows how to phrase stuff, and I don't, I am nicking one of her happiness things:
"knowing it's because of me that someone I care about has a smile on their face."

I'm scared as hell...

I've been so stressed lately that I'm getting really scared of going all super-depressed again... Is nae good. If I do I can't exactly expect Ladybird to rescue me again, so I'm just going to have to stick close to my happiness bubble - which now consists of Lion, Ladybird, Fairy and Nephew since Unicorn is spending a lot less time with us lately - and just pray that with their help I will get through this. It works most of the time. They all have really lovely cheeky little grins (Yes, Lachs, you do :P) that always make me smile when I see them. Hopefully it will be fine. I just need to stay in control of revision and adapt to what I can't control.
It will be fine...
...I think.


I HAD A LIE IN TODAY XD BOOYAH. 
Got verrrrry bored in RE so I drew Ladybird. Finished it at lunchtime in music, though it wasn't as good as it had been. Music was fun. Watched Ladybird tune a guitar, then nicked it to play so he had to tune another XD Messed around with le usual gang. Went into a practice room. Drew Ladybird. Had more fun times with le people. Moved out of practice room and hung around the piano while le nephew played it and hit Ladybird. Messed around with hats XD Lunch ended ¬¬ Went to double Psychology and died under a massive heap of revision took two 5 minute breaks. Chatted to Fairy in the second. Chatted to Ladybird and his sister after school. Walked with them till Glebe. Walked with Isaac to Hawthorn. Got the bus home instead of going to town. Chatted to Charlotte about EVERYTHING. Walked home with X. Walked my dog. Got depressed. Listened to songs. Wrote this blog.


Sherlock was on last night...
SOFREAKINGAWESOME.COM.


Tears in Heaven is fast becoming one of my favourite songs. Already learnt the chords on guitar and now learning the tab XD


SO. Questions of the day,
1. What is your favourite song and why?
2. What should I blog about next time?


ANSWER PLEEEAASE XD


Hatter xx

Eeeew.

GREETINGS.


Friday night.
... Hai.
I'm a tad hyper because a Derren Brown show was on earlier, and I adore him. It was absolutely brilliant XD This one was called 'something wicked this way comes'. AWEOME-NESS. I was on the edge of my seat once or twice. So yeah. Hyperrrrrr.
Watched a body shock programme. FUCKING EW.
Went to photography late. T'was very boring. Walked back with a very camp Croxon. Had a lovely lunchtime with the year 10s, Fairy and Charlotte. Plus Ninja appeared which was gooood. Meh English lesson. How would you spell it - swop or swap??? Cause they are both frickin right!!!! Damn English teachers. Saw Year 10s in their break from their history lesson. Spent my free with Ninja - went to the shop and ate sweeeeeeeetieeeees XD At the end of school spoke to M... *Shoots self*
Basically. He doesn't want to go on the date we were planning on going to see how we felt. He is over me. Yet he still hates Ladybird, possibly out of jealousy or something though it doesn't make sense. I acted like I wasn't bothered so he didn't feel guilty or anything, but I feel like crap. Although I have a slightly confusing issue with my love life, I was really looking forward to the date and spending more time with him again. And I'm not quite over him. So life is shit, jah?


Saturday.
I have done absolutely nothing today. Well. I Pottermore-d. But that's it. And now I'm watching Transformers 2 XD Fun nerd times.


Talking to the Fairy about love lives. Told him mine sucks. He told me to find someone that takes my breath away. I have. I just can't have him. And despite M not being the one that takes my breath away lately, I still miss him.


Sunday morning. 
Boo.
Feeling a bit crap, but tis church tonight so I shall see people and be happy.
Time to revise because THERE ARE ONLY NINE DAYS LEFT UNTIL MY EXAM!!! D: And I'm seriously not ready for it. So I'm off to revise.


So, do tell me. Swop or Swap?


And how are your love lives?




Hatter xx