Captain Cabinets.

This will forever make me happy, as it reminds me of past days singing Boosh crimps with my brother <3


If any of you know what this is, I will be very impressed.

Drunken shenanigans and mornings after.

Thursday:
Went to the sixth form party on Thursday night, which was rather fun :D Went with Gloves, Smurf, CB, Cleughy, Ninja and a couple of other people. Gloves, Smurf and I got dropped off at the club, but Cleughy and the others went out drinking first. We sat around, danced, chatted and messed around until CB and Smurf disappeared for alcohol. I wanted some, so when they came back I made them take me to get some. So the four of us went out and everyone except Gloves had a couple of drinks. Gloves did, however agree to drink a sip of WKD in exchange for the viewing of a certain kiss. I have to say, seeing the 'happy couple' do that totally made my night. CB freaked out when the police rolled past, and that's when the fighting kind of started. Anywho we went back in and had a fun night (especially when the others actually arrived). Saw Harry, whom I may begin to refer to as DirtyWhiteShoes <3 Good times and drunken shenanigans XD Lots of fun grinding with Gloves to make the boys freak out XD Lovely moment when I think we finally completely made up again <3 <3
CB managed to get himself kicked out, and while Gloves called him to get to find Cleughy/spoke to Ninja, Smurf and I talked properly for the first time. That was good. We all chatted a bit, and then Smurf just gave up on calling and walked out the club to find Cleugh and Ninja. Unfortunately that meant he couldn't come back inside. We ended up all leaving, met up with the others and found Smurf was pissed off with CB. They argued while we walked Ninja home, though the rest of us tried to help them sort it out. I ended up calming Smurf down for the last bit when he walked away from Gloves. We dropped Ninja off, Smurf and CB argued again. Gloves needed some love, so we had a sisterly moment, when CB hung around we sent him to go and sort things out with Smurf, because that would make things better again. In the end I had to use my epic philosophy arguing skills to put him back in his place and sober him up a little. I think they made up in the end. Got more lovely time with Gloves, and I think Smurf and I have finally kind of... reconciled after everything thats happened.  So yeah more chatting, and we eventually went back to Cleughy's. Fell asleep next to my lovely Gloves.


Friday:
Woke up next to her, with a rather large headache, but luckily Gloves had made me drink lots of water before I slept so my head wasn't too bad. When the boys awoke they trooped in in just their boxers and we ended up in a pajama pile on. Well, Cleugh was more dressed.
Tea and toast for breakfast <3
Got dressed and Gloves did my hair cause she is cool like that. We all skipped first and then they dropped me off at Tresham. Tresham was boring. Did some modelling but it was all still just boring. Left early, Gloves and Ninja drove round to pick me up. We chatted in the car until lunch time :)
Went to music and had a fairly alright lunch time with people. Ladybird told me he had a small gig tomorrow, which I said I might attend.
The afternoon was okay, if a little head-achy.
Went to Beth's party (friend I met through Ladybird/soul/church) and had a lot of fun. I felt really awkward and kind of on my lonesome at first because no one I knew very well was there other than Beth. Made friends with a girl called Claudia though, and after that everything took a turn for the positive. Bought myself two Smirnoff Ices at the bar XD Managed to get Beth's younger brother to dance with me and Claudia, which had entertaining results. Cleughy, Ninja and some other people I knew arrived and the rest of the night consisted of mad, tipsy raving. Epic moments dancing to Grease Lightning and other 'legendary' songs with the guys :D All in all, a good night, and I remembered to deliver Ladybird's present to Beth along with my own :D


Saturday:
Woke up at 12 and took paracetamol for my head... 
Rushed to get ready and arrived just in time for Ladybird's band at the charity event gig. Took some pictures then gave up and just filmed most of it on mum's crappy camera. Have to say, I'm proud that I caught some of the faces that Ladybird made at me on camera. He made me chuckle throughout, which was nice as I didn't know anyone not in the band there! The band were really great, and I was very proud of Ladybird :) Although when he came off he did hug me and didn't bother to let go while he texted his mother. Awkward, given we were surrounded by people I barely knew and I was stuck hugging him -.- I had a good time really though, and it was good to meet and chat to Ladybird's friends. One of them later made a comment about Ladybird and I... which kind of startled me, but I clarified everything and all is good.
I look forward to the next gig :D
Came home, revised, and then chatted to Beardy well into the night <3


Sunday:
Woke up late again. Played Irene while chatting to Beardy and Fairy (who is TOTALLY in a relationship with a terrific girl, and I am very proud of him ;) especially since I was the first person he told XD). Ate, and revised while watching crappy TV. Missed people a lot today, which meant that I ate a lot of comfort food -.- But ah well. 
It's now almost 1am, and so I am off to bed.


Love to the peoples.


A little gift from Saturday afternoon, because I'm awesome at pausing videos in hilarious places:

My lovely Ladybird <3 cause this is just awesome ;)


I might post a video of the band up later.

Music

New favoutite quote:

'Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything.'

- Plato

Shivers down my spine.

Love this song, but today it sent shivers down my spine.
Not sure if that's because it's a fucking good song, or because it reminds me of you.

Running away.

Don't panic, I'm not going to.
Though I do want to try and find someone else to stay with tomorrow night. 
I can't stay here.
I tried and I just can't.


I know she's ill, and life here is normally brilliant, but I just feel sick to the core.


I don't know what else to do.


I don't like the majority of this song, but the lyrics work today.

This one is courtesy of the Fairy:

To those I love but have drifted from or can't be with.

And actually to everyone I love.


Especially Zilla, whom everyone should give some love until she's properly happy again.


I won't give up on us.

Free as a bird

I love birds. If we get reincarnated, I hope to come back as a bird. I want the glorious freedom of flight.
I've always loved watching birds fly. The birds and the stars always kept me company on long journeys.
I have officially decided on the basis of my tattoo.
I'm going to get a bird tattoo when I'm old enough.
It will most like be this one:

Either on my back from shoulder to base of neck, or on my foot.
Might add the words: "Set yourself free" or "Free as a bird..." next to it somehow.


Anywho.
Are you going to get a tattoo?
Even if you aren't, what would you have, where and why?
Hatter xx


P.s. This is pretty cool. Looks kind of realistic!

If I got my tattoo on my shoulder/back, I would get this tattoo on my wrist, just so I had a reminder I could see.

Rant: Ears to listen, hands to hold.

I was told that was what mothers had.
I was wrong.
How can I ever tell her anything if I know she won't listen, or will just twist my words? 
How can she say that she wants me to tell her what's upsetting me, when she doesn't want to hear the answer?


I'm a little tired of her hypocritical, immature, frustrating, and frankly childish behaviour.


I actually spent my free writing a letter to my parents to tell them to get over themselves and grow up.
Short back story for those who don't know me: My parents split up when I (an almost-aborted accident) was 3 years old. At first it wasn't that bad. I grew up with my mum and (half-)brothers, and I had a lot of fun. I visited my Dad every few weekends. He got married and they had my half-sister. My brothers (12 and 14 years older than me) left home when I was 8, heading for Greece and New York. Not so fun. Mum had cancer, they came home. Mum recovered, they left again. We moved house. The relationship between my parents was getting steadily worse. Both sides were to blame, though neither would admit that. Instead they consistently act like immature little children. Their attitudes towards each other were and are ridiculous, and they never exactly hid that fact. At age 10, I realised I had to forget about my own childhood and grow up, because I couldn't imagine either of my parents rising to that challenge. Almost seven years later, I still feel like I have to be the responsible adult in our twisted three part family.


If I can find somewhere else to go, I might not come home tomorrow night. We both need space. I just want to get away from home in a vaguely responsible fashion. Just need to find a nearby friend that I can burden with myself for a night.


Rant over. Sorry.

A Happy Poem at Beardy's request.

The beginnings of a happy poem, posted because the Beardy one asked me to. Enjoy :) Love you all <3


"I want to be there when the sun goes down
We can wipe from our faces every frown
And dance with the music of this night
Holding each other close and tight.
You whose smile is warm and sweet
With you I will run down every street
Shouting up into the skies far above
Unashamed messages of pure peace and love."

Beauty in the written.

Approximately half an hour ago, I picked up the long overdue library book I had borrowed from school in January, and started reading. Until today, I had not really looked at it. The book is John Keats: The Poems. At first I read the beautifully written words in my head, but after a couple of lines I could not help but read aloud, joyous in such imagination despite my falterings over certain words and half-rhymes.
I think people should stop, and take more wonderment in the astonishing, imaginative world of creativity that we live in. Pause all the hustle and bustle. Take wonderment in the power of word and imagination.


Rant whatnot over.

A world of pure imagination.

<3
Naturally, I'm watching the old Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
If you want to see the fun-ness of the movie, here's the same song as above, but from the film:

There's also a fairly lovely Glee version, but three videos of the same song seems a bit much. It's here if you want it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oLDkTUW6go&feature=endscreen&NR=1


I would love to live in a world of pure imagination. In a way, I live in my own. But sometimes I wish we could also be shown other people's imagination through better means that books, etc. I'd love to see Kat's imagination one day. Or Zilla's.
From what I see in their writing, their imaginations seem beautiful and intriguing.


Quote of the day:
"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams"
"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wiser men"
"So shines a good dead in a weary world"


To GeniusRory: I hope you feel better when you go back to school. Just keep finding and exploring the little things that interest you :) All will be good. 

Because Kat did it.

1. Last Beverage→ Water.
2. Last phone call→ From mum.
3. Last text message→ From BeardyBen.
4. Last song→ Cigarettes and chocolate milk, Rufus Wainwright.
5. Last time you cried→ I don't know... Probably when my brother went back home to Cornwall on Tuesday.

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice → Yep
7. Been cheated on? → Not as far as I know
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? → Try not to, but yes I have.
9. Lost someone special?→ Unfortunately
10. Been depressed?→ Yes
11. Been drunk?→ Huh. Yeah. About that...

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Violet
13. Blue
14. Green

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends → Yes <3 You know who you are. Love <3
16. Fallen out of love → Don't think so.
17. Laughed until you cried → A lot :D
18. Met someone who changed you→ I think so. And I think the change was a positive one.
19. Found out who your true friends were→ Yup.
20. Found out someone was talking about you→ Yeah, but as Kat said people always are, so there's no point getting in a strop. Life is too precious.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ This year... erm. Don't think so.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life --> All of them...
23. How many kids do you want to have→ Erm. One? Or three? If three, two older boys and a girl. Because I had fun growing up with older brothers XD
24. Do you have any pets → I doooo. My Tigerlily the putty tat, and my brother's dog Baileys.
25. Do you want to change your name→ Nah.
26. What did you do for your last birthday→ Hung around with wonderful people.
27. What time did you wake up today → 6.15 -.-
28. What were you doing at midnight last night→ Listening to music and blogging, according to my internet history. A little worried as to why I couldn't remember that.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for -> Exams to be over, and my birthday... expedition.
30. Last time you saw your father→ Erm. A couple of months ago? I think?
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life→ My attitude to work. I just can't sit myself down and revise. Other than that, nothing. Life is good.
32. What are you listening to right now → Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → Yeah, several.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? → Distances. And an odd feeling in my throat.
36. Whats your Zodiac sign?→ Leo.
39. Male or female→ That, I simply cannot answer. Female, you strange infuriating series of questions!
40. Elementary School→ Northampton High School for Girls, Barry Road Lower/Primary school.
41. Middle School → We don't have them here
42. High school → Bishop Stopford School (& Tresham)
43. Hair color → Blonde, with a small streak of purple <3
44. Height→ Short. As I am frequently told by my friends XD
46. Do you have a crush on someone? → Yup. We are not going to talk about it right now.
47. What do you like about yourself? → A lot more of late. My new outlook on life, my eyes and hair (in fact I'm pretty happy with my body in general), my music taste, and the majority of my personality. That and the fact that I'm not so scared any more, and I'm a little more experienced in ... lifeness... than I was a while ago.
48. Piercings?→ Two. More planned...
49. Tattoos → Not yet. 

50. Righty or lefty --> Righty.

FIRSTS :
51. First surgery → Nought.
52. First piercing → Earlobes.
53. First tattoo→ Not yet.
54. First best friend→ Simba or Alice Kilner <3
55. First sport you joined → Not exactly a sport, but ballet.
56. First pet → Bluebell the rabbit. Or perhaps the fish at my Dad's.
57. First vacation remembered → Probably Devon or Wales with ma famille.
58. First concert → Erm... Busted and McFly in Kent. So proud.
59. First crush--> Same as Kat, Orlando Bloom. Then this guy called Joe Rush. When I was like... miniscule.
60. First alcoholic drink→ Other than the occasional sip of mum's wine? Cider probably.

RIGHT NOW:
61. Eating → Nought
62. Drinking → Water
63. I'm about to → Go to bed
64. Listening to → Nothing
65. Waiting for → These questions to end
YOUR FUTURE :
66. Want kids? → Yes.
67. Want to get married? → Yes
68. Careers in mind? → Several, each as impractical as the last.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE [or same, whatever] SEX?
69. Lips or eyes → I always notice eyes first so I'll go with them.
70. Hugs or kisses → Both. At the same time. It's fun.
71. Shorter or taller → Taller.
72. Older or Younger → Older probably. But not like old old. You know. Two-year radius ish.
73. Romantic or spontaneous → I like Kat's answer: "Spontaneity can totally be romantic"
74. Long hair or Short? Long-ish.
75. Tattoos or piercings→ Sure, just not... horrific amounts.
76. Sensitive or loud → I'd rather sensitive, but I don't want someone I have to tell to 'Man-up'.
77. Hook-up or relationship→ The latter.
78. Trouble maker or hesitant→ As long as they aren't a dickweed, a trouble maker can be a bit of fun. Too much hesitancy is... well... man up will you??

HAVE YOU EVER :
79. Kissed a stranger → Pretty much.
80. Skipped class?→ Stupidly frequently.
81. Lost glasses?→ In my house, or just on my face. Either way, yes.
83. Broken someone's heart → I wish I could definitely say no.
84. Had your own heart broken--> Possibly. If I have, I feel pretty mended right now.
85. Been arrested?→ Nope.
86. Turned someone down → Yes
87. Cried when someone died --> Yes
88. Liked a friend that is a girl? → Nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself → More now.
90. Miracles → Undecided
91. Love at first sight -> Undecided
92. Heaven → In a way
93. Santa Claus → No
94. Kissing on the first date? → Yes, because kissing is fun.
95. Angels → sometimes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yes.
97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → No.
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever? → Some people can.
99. What's the one thing you cannot live without? → The combination of my imagination and good music.
100. Own question. I can't be bothered to think of one, so night!

X, the flying metal bird has been usurped.

There is a bouncy castle Stonehenge.
Genius.


Smile, X. Just imagine happily bouncing around on a Stonehenge bouncy castle :)

Change in the wind

Today was a really, really good day.
Felt like a change in the wind.
I mean, I've been having good days, but this was different.
This was brilliant :D
Thank you for the fun everyone :)
Love x


Zilla, you're right.
And you know I love you.
The Milkybar is on it's way :)

Peace and love, dudes.

Because the hippies love you, and so do I.
Hope everyone had a good day :)
<3

Distance...

I always used to wish I had wings so I could fly high in the sky. Then I could be everywhere I needed and wanted to be.
But it doesn't bother me as much any more. Sure, I miss people who are far away (whether that be half an hour or 10 hours away) but when we do get to see each other, it is far more special.
So while distance can sometimes be a pain, I'm not going to let it get me down. I love it here, and I can't be everywhere at once. I'll just have to wait until I get to spend extra-special moments with those just out of reach.

So I send my love, and I'll be waiting for the moment I see you again. If we both keep smiling, we'll have happy days to tell each  other all about when we see each other.


Love to my brothers. Other far away people too, but mostly my brothers. Damn I can't wait to see you again.


<3


Argh! Seeing my 'gay' bezzie The Fairy at school tomorrow! Well today, now. Excitement!

Be excellent to each other... and party on dudes!

Seriously.
It's fun.


Also, check this out. Some dude with a moustache says some cool shiz.

Flipping heck! Calm down and party!

Okay, so apparently my last post - 'Grey scale' - offended a couple of people.
Firstly, sorry to those people. That was not my intention. I was just trying to say that people seem to let themselves get so weighed down here, they forget what the world should be about. Happiness.
To me, that kinda sucks the colour out of things. I'm not saying you, as an individual, are colourless. Of course you aren't! You are beautiful, inspiring and unique! Just... everyone seems to forget that! All I was trying to say is that I wish people would just find more joy in the world - in the little things! (Also... I'm not necessarily talking about people at school. The world is bigger than that. I just meant people in general. Especially since I wrote the post before I went back to school...)
Yes, there are blips we have to get past, but when (as Beardy said) the world 'throws you a diamond', don't ignore it! See it, appreciate it, love it. I know it can be difficult, but if you get through that, beautiful stuff is on the other side.
So I'm sorry if I offended you.
Just badly phrased honest thought patterns.
Keep calm and party :)
It's the best way to live.
I love you, the world loves you, so love yourself. 
You're awesome.
Show it :)

Grey-scale.

So I spent a week with people that helped me re-discover myself, and the beauty in the world. They made me want to stand up and shout "WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WRONG? THE WORLD IS AMAZING!!". But part of the brilliance of it was that I didn't need to stand and shout - these people already knew! But now I'm home, and the world is slowly slipping into grey-scale. I feel like I'm surrounded by people who have never known the colourful, beautiful, exciting and intriguing gifts the world and it's people have to offer. Everyone is so tense and snappy, and it all just makes me want to remind them that (in the words of Simon Amstell) 'death is coming' so why be unhappy and fight? And if you simply can't make friendship work with someone, part with respect and move on. Life's too short to be petty.


I know I've shared this song with y'all before, but I think some people really need to listen to the lyrics:

"Sun is shinin' in the sky
There ain't a cloud in sight
It's stopped rainin' ev'rybody's in a play
And don't you know
It's a beautiful new day hey, hey

Runnin' down the avenue
See how the sun shines brightly in the city
On the streets where once was pity
Mister blue sky is living here today hey, hey

Mister blue sky please tell us why
You had to hide away for so long
Where did we go wrong?

Hey you with the pretty face
Welcome to the human race
A celebration, mister blue sky's up there waitin'
And today is the day we've waited for

Hey there mister blue
We're so pleased to be with you
Look around see what you do
Ev'rybody smiles at you"


Plus, surely it is impossible not to dance to that???
I did. 
I just started dancing around my living room like a loon, because as long as I'm having fun, what does it matter?


Thanks to Nerd for the chat about all this today.
Love to the people :)


P.s. This isn't about people at school... I wrote it before I went in.

"You can't have biscuits with your tea! Have fruit!"

At approximately 8:13am, my mother just used the above sentence to have a go at me. So, in my defence I reminded her that she told me not to eat fruit right after carbohydrates, and I had just eaten two waffles. So she told me to eat toast with peanut butter. YOU CAN'T DUNK PEANUT BUTTER TOAST IN TEA!
Besides, I'm living life as recent events taught me to, including Suffolk. I had biscuits with my morning tea at Kat's, so I shall have biscuits with my morning tea here.


However, this episode did leave me to wonder where the convention of dunking biscuits in tea comes from.


Unfortunately, I am too lazy to find out.


^ This is the kind of level my mind works at this early in the morning. Be warned.


Update:
So I lifted my sorry finger and tapped on the mouse to produce a new tab in Chrome, which I then used to research the dunking of biscuits.
Have some useful websites:
wikipedia
Answers.com (scroll down for the interesting bit).


After approximately 10 minutes of research, I can conclude nothing more about the entire tea dunking affair, than the fact that we do it.
My favourite tea-dunking quote is by far the following, which is from 'The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel'.
"Evelyn: we dunk biscuits into it. 
Sunaina's Brother: Dunk?
Evelyn: Means lowering the biscuit into the tea and letting it soak in there and trying to calculate the exact moment before the biscuit dissolves, when you whip it up into your mouth and enjoy the blissful union of biscuits and tea combined. It's more relaxing than it sounds."

Straight-talking poetry.

A small epiphany I had whilst walking my dog:

"While the past is full of memories
Rose tinted and back-lit
If you don’t stop looking behind you
You may just step in dog shit."

Judgemental.

"I was just saying 'Why can't you be less judgemental, and more like me?' .... Which is judgemental."
Cause Simon Amstell is a clever babe.

Funny people

This guy is funny. I think he's adorable.


http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/b018nq52/
Watch it before it goes unavailable tomorrow night.


And a funny man that should remind Kat of some good memories...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMMHUzm22oE&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs-tl6GBOBo




Do you find that there are some people who just have to appear to make you smile? Who have an innate ability to make you laugh when nothing else can?
I know people like this, who can make me smile just by looking at me, or smiling, or appearing on my facebook chat with their own special version of hello.
While that should always be a good thing, I find that there is one major issue with knowing people like this. The problem for me is that these people are often the ones I become very attached to, and so when we have to part it pains me more than it should. What's worse lately, is that these people are out of my reach. One is on holiday, two live far away, and one is here but feels... different. And I am going to have to leave possibly all of them next summer, when I leave school and step into the big scary world that is 'adulthood'. Maybe, just maybe, I might get to spend part of my adult life with one of them, but given the way the world works I seriously doubt that.
So anyway.
This was meant to be a happy post.
BE HAPPY.
ESPECIALLY WITH OTHER HAPPY PEOPLE.
IT'S FUN.

I'm going to stop thinking of the past or the future, and live and enjoy the present instead, because that is where Simon Amstell says true joy exists. Maybe you should try it too :)


Quotes of the day:
"My type is me, but better, which I think is ok. I just have to find someone who wants himself, but much much worse."
"You might say 'He walked into the shop at the same time as you with his own legs'. No, I put him in the shop with my God mind."
"Here I'll give you my phone number. When you worry, call me and I'll make you happy."
"We stole countries with the cunning use of flags..."

To the Suffolk gang. Or mob. Or something similar.

Hey.
I wrote you a song.
It's not good, and it's still pretty much a draft, but it says what I don't know how to any other way. Decided to post it because of Beardy. So blame him.


The world is different without you
The colours, they fade
The further I am from you
The quicker the world turns grey

Colours disappear
As my train rolls away
I just want to tell you
Thank you for the last six days

In your world there’s always a rainbow
In mine it was just black and white
Until you taught me to see
Then everything felt right

[Chorus]:
The world is different without you
The colours, they fade
The further I am from you
The quicker the world turns grey

It’s not goodbye forever
When the colour fades
That’s when I’ll come back to you
I hope you all remember my name

Thank you for sharing the rainbow
I’ll remember it wherever I go
Though colours can’t always be seen
They’re there, with me I know

[Chorus]

You taught me to be me
And to love with all my soul
So in my mind and in my heart
There’s always a you-shaped hole

When the darkness haunts me
Even if I can’t stay
I’ll come back and visit you
When all colour fades

Dark tunnels.

On Friday, I met up with Ladybird, Unicorn and New Guy at Wicksteed. 
We were making our way to the old train, and while Unicorn and New Guy took the sensible path, Ladybird and I randomly walked through the no entry tunnel. We were just messing around and chatting, when he moved and stopped in front of me, pulling me into a really lovely hug with his face against my neck.
That moment inspired this poem (still only a draft), basically pulling together several stray lines that had been floating around my mind for a while now.


"In the darkest of tunnels
You turned and held me
Your soul the brightest light
By which I'll always see.


When I fell to the ground
Then you held me too
Until I could lift my feet
And stand up next to you.


So though the darkness crowds
I know it has not won.
The cold can never last
Because with you, comes with sun."


I might turn it into a song one day.
Who knows.
Anyway.
Poem.
Done.
Laters.

Letters.

Suffolk week update is on the way, but I felt the need to do this as people are doing it a lot on Tumblr.
I am going to write letters to some people on here, though I will probably never show them. Just an interesting exercise really.
First few here:


Lachs.
Again, you are first on a list for me. This time you were just the first name to pop into my head, but normally you are the first in a small list of people I know I can turn to when I'm lost. I can talk to you about anything, and you never let me fall. Thank you.
We only really became friends part way into year 10, when I started spending more time with the bench gang. And yet... in the last few years, you have supported me through so much. And I hope I have been there for you as much as you have for me.
You were there when I had no one else to turn to, and I'm pretty sure that if my major fall had happened at a time when you were around, I wouldn't have fallen as far. But I did fall... And after Will had set me back on my feet again, you were the one to keep me standing. We've fought hand in hand through whatever we both faced, through the good times and the really fucking bad, and even through our major depressions.
I could thank you forever, and in the end I probably will.
I'll admit, there have been moments when we have gotten on each others nerves, but I'm glad to say we can always talk it through and never fight. 
I know I can never pay you back for everything you have done, but you know I fully intend to pay it forward.
Thank you, my amazing fairy, ginger, 'gay' bezzie, comrade, and friend.
I love you.
Jen xx
P.s. I'm sorry for what I put you through with Callum. Truly.


Cheryl
This letter feels really difficult to write. I think you will know why, if you do see it.
I adore you. Yes, we fight, but I still love you. Thank you for being there when I needed you, and I hope that you know I have tried to be there whenever you have needed me.
I'm sorry.
For everything.
Here goes.
I respect you too much to lie to you, so I'm just going to be as honest as possible and hope you understand. I wish you would just tell me. Instead of bottling up all your anger, frustration, and general feelings, even if they aren't aimed at me, I wish you would tell me. Because that way, if I have done something, I can sort it out or talk it through with you. And then we can get through it together, as friends should. I meant what I said in our massive long facebook argument. There's no point detailing it here, you know what we both said.
So, I really hope you haven't taken that badly, because I love you, and truth be told I miss you.
Jenny.


Jenni
I'm struggling to find something to say which I haven't already said a thousand times before.
I have found a song which I really want to sing to you because it honestly just makes me think of you.

Yeah... it's about a break up. But I feel like that is what has happened to us. Our friendship broke up. I'd love it if we really could be proper friends again. I know it can never be the same as before, but the way it is now just feels like we are strangers.
I miss you.
And I will still wait for the time when we can call each other sister again.
But .... I don't think I can wait forever.
Jenny.


Kat!
Oh you beautiful human being. 
I'm sad to say we drifted apart when you moved away. The further you moved away, the further we drifted apart. Which sucked, cause you are awesome.
You were my first friend when I moved from Northampton to Broughton aged 8ish. THANK YOU. Seriously. That first day led to many years of amazing memories full of fun and ginger-ness. And then to last week. Oh my purple, that was one of the best weeks in my short-ish existence thus far. Honestly. Not only was it so so good to see you again, but you made it so fun, emotional, exciting, intriguing and strangely inspirational that I hope it is a week I never forget. As you so excellently said in your blog post, I "arrived with a relative grip on normality and went home with the mentalist twang characteristic of [your] group of friends, a happier perspective of life as a whole, purple hair and three slices of *cinammon cake." Not to mention the strange new addiction to tea.
That week with you made me so so happy, and I honestly feel much more comfortable being myself now than I ever have before. I hope you had as much fun as I did, Chicken Fingers.
I miss you, and I love you.
Visit soon.
Your Jen xx <3
P.s. I'm covered in BEES!!!!!


Suffolk people in general.
Thank you for the time I was allowed to spend with each and every one of you. You guys really do astound me. Thank you for welcoming me so amazingly, and for making me so comfortable and happy that you were the first group of people to meet me as myself, no pretences, no adjustments, just pure Jen. Thank you for accepting her :) I hope I never let myself forget y'all. And I hope I really did make a good first impression on all of you. Thanks for the memories :D
Rory - Thank you for what you said about me on your blog post. It was lovely, and really meant a lot <3
Ben - If you shave that beard off I may cry. *Strokes from afar* And thank you for our 'song exchange' on Tuesday :) Made me rather happy <3
Miriam - Thank you for making Kat happy :) And for just being a generally awesome and unusual person.
Sam - T'was really really good to see you again, you little alkie ;)
George - Thank you for all the cuddles!!!!!!!!!!
Right, back to all of you. (Including you, Kat). I hated hopping on that train and leaving you. You made the world so bright and colourful when I was with you, but it was almost like the colour began to seep away the closer I got to home. Luckily, I have an odd streak of purple that will - until it too fades - serve as a reminder of the colours and general awesomeness you showed me.
I love and miss you all.
I'll be back when the colour fades.
Jen xx
P.s. Just found myself trying to think of something vaguely negative to say so this letter seems less ... mushy. I can't think of anything, except that I miss you.


Ellie
Hey Unicorn :) First of all, thank you so much for the memories <3 You are honestly are like a little (age-wise anyway ;)) sister to me. As I have always said, you are amazing, beautiful, astonishing and inspirational to me. It sometimes feels like we are growing apart, but I guess that's okay as long as you know you will always have a big - if short - sister in me, and I always want to be there for you. I hope you know you can tell me absolutely anything.
I'm sorry for all the guy stuff that has happened since I introduced you to my friends... I really am.
I hate to see you unhappy, so I'm always here for a hug and a chat if you need one.
I'm leaving school next year, and though I don't want to leave you, I don't really know what to do. I feel like I should begin to distance myself from you - and the other 'young' ones - so that when I leave for good, it won't hurt as much. But even when I convince myself that it would be for the best, I can't bring myself to do it. So I really don't know... I love you too much to leave you just yet, which is actually kind of selfish really. It's going to be so much harder when I do leave.
Sorry.
Love you, dear.
Jen xx


Aaaaand that's all I can be bothered to do for now. More to follow.
Hatter xx