I told them!

So I went to the youth service at church tonight.
It was packed.
And I told them all my story...


I told Ladybird first though, which wasn't as bad as I'd thought. I think everything's okay, but he never really shows his emotions so I won't ever really know. 


But yeah. 10 minutes after telling Ladybird I went and asked Andy if they were doing testimonies tonight. He then put me on the spot seconds later and I told a very packed church, full of both strangers and friends, about what happened to me last year, and how God did a little 'miracle' for me. I didn't tell them that the person God sent was Ladybird, but I did tell them God sent someone.


I was astonished by the reaction. People clapped as they always do, and I guess they paid attention. What shocked me was after the service. Two people I had never met independently sought me ought and thanked me for telling my story. They said they were very grateful, I was very brave, that they could really relate to it, and that I touched many people with my story. When the first guy came up Mrs T, mum and I were completely gobsmacked when he left. I just flumped down onto a chair and put my head in my hands. I was not expecting to have that effect on people. Ladybird wasn't surprised at all by their reaction, but I was completely astonished. It's been 4 hours since and I'm still not over it.
I was shaking the whole time, but I know I made the right decision. I was right to tell them all, and I was right to do it today. Those two people weren't the only ones it helped. And that's all that matters. Paying it forward, and helping people who are in a similar place to the one I got stuck in.


My only negative feeling is that I have no idea how Ladybird feels about it all, and I'm completely panicking about him. He said he had a bit of an idea about me being really down when we met, but I don't think he has ever known the full extent of what he did for me until today. He officially knows he saved my life. I'm just panicking that it might weigh him down, or freak him out, or something. I don't know. I'm just a little panicked.
I hope all is okay.
It seemed okay.
But this is him.
I never know.
Anyway.


Update:

Me: Ugh. I wish I knew what he was thinking sometimes xxx

12:24

Beth: Sad thing is i do and tbh i think he was more shocked xxxx

FML.


Yeah. I told another little part of the world. And I'm still paying it forward. But I feel really, really good.