The fear.

My fear.


I was reading this article, and freaked myself out. 


I think I should be honest with you. Completely honest.


I'm afraid of myself sometimes. Something can happen, and part of my mind goes totally malicious, and cold, and heartless. If I ever let that part of me take over the rest of my mind, even for a minute, I'm horrified by what I might do to someone.


I hate that part of me. I fear it. But I don't know how to make it go away. It's not always there, but the second I feel like someone I care about is threatened by something, that part of me 'wakes up' and sits in the corner of my mind, ready to do whatever I have to do to keep my loved one safe.
Being protective is fine, but it goes past that on occasion.


Luckily, the better side of my mind always keeps that dark, seething, malicious part at bay. I'm just terrified that one day something will happen and it won't work, and I won't be able to control what I do. 


It's my second biggest fear.
My first is losing the people I love.
This is my second. What I'd do to whoever took them from me.


My brother is the same. If someone threatens me or mum or any other part of his family, he doesn't think. He just runs after the threat. I hate to think what he'd do if he caught up with them. But I'm the same.


In a way, I think it's a good thing I know about that part of me. I know it, and I fight it. Every time. To be fair, as we kind of know, I'm probably more of a danger to myself than anyone else.


But, as my peaceful, small, kind Philosophy teacher said, "Just don't threaten my family."


"We all both have light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are."


Always good to have J K reminding me what matters. I'm going to keep choosing to act on the light as much as possible.


Just wondering, what's your dark, and what is your fear?