Thursday 3rd March.

Feeling kinda meh-ish today.
Once again I find myself feeling like I don't belong... i am becoming restless amongst my friends and I just feel like something is... off...
I don't know.
Other than panicking about my deadline (which has been extended, thank the lord), I was fine when I came in this morning. Then it just kinda went down-hill from break-time onwards, until now.
Plus, I really wanted to talk to my twin, and she said we could go to the park after school, so I didn't stay on and carry on with my coursework. When we were walking home, she said she wasn't free... I don't mind, I just wish she'd said something before, so I could've been getting on with coursework all this time.
So... since I was feeling crap and would have no-one to talk to, I went into the shop and then went home the other way. I contemplated getting the public bus back to school, but it wouldn't have arrived there until 5, and that was too late. I had a strange urge to look the opposite way when I got nearer my house, and I saw that one of the horses was sticking its head over the wall and looking at me. I decided to go and 'talk' to it. All three of them ended up turning up for the chat. I feel a bit calmer after being with the horses...

This one leant right over the wall, and put its head right up to me, its nose brushing the neck of my coat. Anthropomorphic as this might sound, it really felt like a lovely gesture of comfort and love. That was the main part of being near the horses that helped. They're just so quietly accepting and loving, and are incredibly receptive to human emotions.

 

Aren't they gorgeous?

Anyway
Enough about depressing stuff.
I'm texting my boyfriend at the mo... I've decided to try and stay with him as long as possible. When I next see him, I will have a proper talk and see if we can make it work.
I think everyone deserves love, and so I should keep trying, because when we meet up, I do feel incredibly happy.
This is one of my favourite songs, and it tells part of my life quite well. Take a look, Boyce Avenue are amazing :D
I was just listening to that now, and I read a comment beneath the video which warmed my heart...

'Met a ton of these girls that have gone through what you're describing.. To the girls out there It sucks for the guys that really do love you. We try hard to convince you that we're different. Don't let the assholes out there make you believe you aren't worth it. You deserve love, it will find you.'

The guy is right, and it applies to boys as well. Never give up, because you DO deserve love, and it WILL find you...

Hatter xxx