Last Post

As in of the blog... No soldiers here. Technically.
So I'm saying good bye to 'The Black Book of Blog'. I should probably feel sad, but I'm actually not sure that I do. The choice to move to a new blog was inspired by a positive desire for a new start, rather than a negative one. I'm not starting a new blog because too many bad things have happened and I want to forget, I'm starting a new blog because I'm feeling positive enough to think that it is just time for a change. 
A lot has happened since I began this blog, and it has been both good and bad.
I started this in September 2010, when I was just starting year 11. So since then I have come through GCSEs, formation and break down of relationships, depression, self-harm, loss and discovery of faith, recovery, new and unexpected experiences, the discovery of new friends,  AS levels, and overwhelming, lingering joy.

So I begin 2013 and the new blog having recovered from the struggles of the summer of 2011 and the fight to avoid relapse, with a much healthier outlook on life. I have some extraordinary friends - some new, some old - all of whom I am blessed to know. I have a wonderful gentleman friend, my George, who is still here after two months today, and who I hope will stick around for a very long time. My relationship with my mother is still tense at times, but I'm trying to stay honest with her, and never let any fight fester. I want to enjoy this last bit of time that I will spend at home with her before Uni. I have had some wonderful experiences which I hope have bettered me as a person, and I hope I can stay grateful for it all.

Lastly, I want to say thank you to you, my readers. There may be a few of you, or there may just be one, but either way, thank you for sticking around. It's always nice to know someone is listening, so thank you for that. If you want to continue to follow my thoughts, you can find them here. If not, good bye for now, and I hope you have an excellent New Year.

See you around.
Hatter

2013

Time for the annual 'starting over'.
I can't wait.
I ended 2012 and began 2013 in the arms of my George, which was a wonderful feeling. He's was here since surprising me at work at 3pm, and he went home yesterday evening. I actually don't have any words to correctly summarise all the feelings of the last few days, but it was most definitely the most wonderful New Year celebration I've ever had.
Since everything is a little different this year, and it's going to be a year of changes, I have decided to start a new blog, and so this is probably the penultimate post on 'The Black Book of Blog', the next and possibly last post will contain a link to the new blog.
I'm off to bed as I have school again tomorrow, so good night everyone.
I hope you had a fantastic Christmas and New Year celebration.
Hatter x

Imogen

So...
My little sister is ill. Again. And they've seen a specialist but it hasn't helped, and they are going to book an emergency appointment for her at the Doctors. 
And I'm not there.
I'm her big sister and I am over 150 miles away.
I'm not there to hold her hand when she gets scared and that damn well kills me.
I should be there.

In Paris with You

I thought I'd share my English teacher's favourite poem with you...

In Paris With You

Don't talk to me of love. I've had an earful
And I get tearful when I've downed a drink or two.
I'm one of your talking wounded.
I'm a hostage. I'm maroonded.
But I'm in Paris with you.

Yes I'm angry at the way I've been bamboozled
And resentful at the mess I've been through.
I admit I'm on the rebound
And I don't care where are we bound.
I'm in Paris with you.

Do you mind if we do not go to the Louvre
If we say sod off to sodding Notre Dame,
If we skip the Champs Elysées
And remain here in this sleazy

Old hotel room
Doing this and that
To what and whom
Learning who you are,
Learning what I am.

Don't talk to me of love. Let's talk of Paris,
The little bit of Paris in our view.
There's that crack across the ceiling
And the hotel walls are peeling
And I'm in Paris with you.

Don't talk to me of love. Let's talk of Paris.
I'm in Paris with the slightest thing you do.
I'm in Paris with your eyes, your mouth,
I'm in Paris with... all points south.
Am I embarrassing you?
I'm in Paris with you.

James Fenton

Happy :)

I'm feeling incredibly happy right now :)
I had another wonderful Saturday with my gentleman friend, and I also managed to spend time with my young friends and my 'baby brother'.
Everything is going pretty well, and I can barely remember the last time I was this happy.
All is good for a change :)

Perfect day.

I had a perfect day with George on Saturday :')
Also came home to find Frankenstein on the radio xD
And I downloaded Pride and Prejudice to my phone.

Just a perfect day.
Quiet.
But perfect.

Fireworks...

Amazing night watching the fireworks at Wicksteed last night with Amy, Em, George, Ladybird, Lil G and Mol :') <3

All the love :')

Friends, Lovers or Nothing.

Another great day :')

Had decent lessons in the morning, and saw most of my faves at break - Em, Fairy, Pipkin, The Giant One, Mol and Amy. Did lots of work in my free and saw Ladybird and Lion at the end of it :') <3

Lunch was excellent. Saw all the awesome people, and then went to a talk by a graduate English student and he was brilliant! Funny, informative, and my perfect stereotype for a University English student. Right down to his stripy shirt and his short but still somehow whimsically windswept hair.

Spent my afternoon frees with Fairy and Smurf :') <3

Went to town with Bunny, Em, Lion and Mol :') <3 Lots of hilarity with Mol's mysterious caller and Lion's legendary utterly unrivalled wit. Pipkin called us when it was just Bunny, Em and I at Morrisons and he came to see us XD <3 After Heather left (*sad face*) Em, Pipkin and I meandered up to Boots so Pipkin could whine about walking and Em could print off photos <3 Went into Waterstones on the way home and found ourselves in the young readers section, all three of us beautifully delighted at the Peter Pan book with sounds, and the collections of Beatrix Potter, and Winnie The Pooh. Never in my tiny lifetime have I felt more love for two people (who were not my mum or brothers), than the moment when Pipkin (who IS MALE) and Em were equally delighted by the Peter Pan book. We all headed back to Em's and it was quite simply perfect. Put Miranda on and settled on the sofa. Me snuggled into Pipkin, Em snuggled into us both. Em fell asleep, Pipkin and I snuggled, and he laughed at all the right moments in the episode. When Pipkin left he gave both Em and I humongous hugs :') He is lovely. Em and Pipkin make my day, everyday. <3

Em and I nommed DELICIOUS eats and continued with Miranda, before moving to Em's ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS new bedroom!! :') We actually did homework! On her brilliant new desk, no less. We slow danced, tried on clothes, snuggled and generally chatted. I love her. I really do. I've never had better 'sisters' than her and Bunny <3

Brilliant day. As always, thanks to the beautiful people whom, by some miraculous coincidence, I have been allowed to call my closest friends.

Had a great day today :)

I had a lie in this morning which was sooo good! Walked to school from town and met Jono in the library <3 Hung out with the nerds for a bit. Hung out with the gang at lunch - although Gloves, H and Nerd were on a field trip so I missed them a lot. Started to walk to music with lil G and ended up spending the rest of lunch with Pipkin, Em, Gavin and a couple of other people - so funny!!! :') Also saw Ladybird while dropping Em off at her form room, and he was sweet and said he loved me and made a comment about me being skinny which made me feel really damn good about myself. Dropped Em off, saw my lovely God-sister and walked back with her. English was fairly entertaining. Sylvie and Anderson are legends :')

Walked to town with Em and the other year 11s, which was nice. Headed back to school with Em so she could set up for the year 7 open evening. I decided to 'help out'.

This basically involved me chatting to Pipkin, Em (who fed people gummy bears with chilli powder cause she is just that awesome), the music boys (ended up walking round the sixth form centre with Gavin while Ladybird played guitar next to us), and Pipkin again. At one point there were four guys on a piano. It was brilliant XD So wish I had filmed it. Also, why am I always friends with ridiculously talented people? It can't be good for me! Seriously - Pipkin and this other guy James were playing a fantastic piece - WHILST ON THEIR GODDAM PHONES. Pipkin sent me a text half way through and I didn't even notice because the music still sounded so good. It was awesome.

Came home and watched the Great British Bake Off with mum, and may have been far too emotionally involved when I got upset because one of the guys looked like he was going to cry...

Ah well XD I got a message from Kat so all is good because I have been missing her lots lately :)

I love days like these <3