Mum has been telling me more about the very early years of my life, which everyone in my family normally tries hard to keep secret. It seems that I was born into a very chaotic place/time. Or at least I grew up in chaos. So... I guess it makes sense that my life is quite chaotic a lot of the time, and while a break from the chaos brings relief, I am not entirely comfortable in peace.
It's... unhelpful. Because the chaos can be difficult or perfect or painful or fun or just plain... wtf is going on?!!?! But whatever it feels like, even if it is painful, I need it like I need the sun.
It's like I can keep my balance in a boat on a rough sea, or in an underground train jolting to a stop, but I trip over nothing when I stand still in a quiet room.
I don't know what to do about it to be honest.
So I don't know why I'm even bothering to post this.
Just feeling very chaotic.
Urgh.
asdfghjkl;'dtcgk;n.
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