Learning to Smile

Officially writing a book (with the above title) about the last year.
Technically I won't know how it ends until the 12th August, but that's cool.
Kind of looking forward to writing this.
Love to your faces.
Hatter xx

Youth - Daughter

Colour my life with the Chaos of trouble.

Feeling content with life, but... bored. I think.
Mum has been telling me more about the very early years of my life, which everyone in my family normally tries hard to keep secret. It seems that I was born into a very chaotic place/time. Or at least I grew up in chaos. So... I guess it makes sense that my life is quite chaotic a lot of the time, and while a break from the chaos brings relief, I am not entirely comfortable in peace.
It's... unhelpful. Because the chaos can be difficult or perfect or painful or fun or just plain... wtf is going on?!!?! But whatever it feels like, even if it is painful, I need it like I need the sun.
It's like I can keep my balance in a boat on a rough sea, or in an underground train jolting to a stop, but I trip over nothing when I stand still in a quiet room.
I don't know what to do about it to be honest.
So I don't know why I'm even bothering to post this.
Just feeling very chaotic.
Urgh.
asdfghjkl;'dtcgk;n.

Proud :')

No one will ever understand how proud and overwhelmed I feel right now. Well, Em might.
Best evening :')


Um. Anyway. I should probably tell y'all about the past few days.
Saturday.
BEARDY WAS HERE. Like, here. It took me several hours to get over that fact. So, um. Met Em in town and bought sweets while we waited for Beardy to arrive. Beardy arrived and I was very  hyper. I blame Em. I also feel sorry for Beardy, because I forgot to pretend to be normal, and he saw exactly how crazy I can be :/ Em left us and we walked to Lark In The Park (more difficult than it sounds given mine and Beardy's map skills...). Lark was fantastic. Introduced Beardy to some people, went crazy with said people. Basically spent the day listening to the music performances, teasing Beardy, cuddling Beardy, dancing madly with the girls, eating bon bons, mocking Beardy for his hot dog eating attempts. Just.... awesome. An excellent day :') <3


Sunday
Did nothing.
Then went to church and had a hilarious time with Ladybird and the lovely Bethany :')
Went to Roots group afterwards because Toby asked me too, and we just watched the football... XD


Monday.
Another chaotic day of nothing.


Tuesday.
Went into school to help with the induction for the new year 12s. Spent aaaaaaaaaaages chatting to m'dear Zilla, which was lovely <3 Also saw Em. Walked to Glebe with Em and Miranda after school, then saw Ladybird and his sister and had a .... delightful... chat with them. Went to see my group's photography exhibition with mum. Didn't go to dance. Arranged to go to the Giant One's on Thursday :)


Wednesday.
Woke up nice and late XD
Walked my dog and ended up having to wash her in the brook because she got something manky all over herself -_-
Met Em and Heather in town, which was very  entertaining :') Bought Despicable Me so that I can force Em and Beardy to watch it. Nommed chips in Morrisons, came home and did chores then Em and I went to Northamptonshire Music and Performing Arts Trust: Summer Festival of Music: Here Comes The Sun. Got a tad overwhelmed, as I was only expecting to see Heather and Ladybird, and there were about 10 other people I know/adore there! Also, Heather was absolutely phenomenal, and I could not be more proud of my 'little sister'. I actually almost cried. Just... so proud of all of them, especially Heather, Will and Bethany.


It was an absolutely fantastic evening, and I am still feeling a bit overwhelmed several hours later...
<3

The world was on fire

Go listen to the song in the last post.
It's awesome.


So... my life. 


Quite a lot has happened.
But I can't be bothered to mention any of it.
Other than to say I spent most of the week either - weighed down with uni shiz, chatting to awesome people at the bench, or having a good time and relaxing in music with t'boys.

Beardy is here tomorrow :3
Quite excited :D
Like... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH kind of excited.
Should be fun XD


On Thursday I saw the cinema showing of the recent Frankenstein play starring Benedict Cumberbatch as Frankenstein and Johnny Lee Miller as the Creature. It was almost flawless.


The set was just… beautifully created and structured.
The script was incredibly well written.
The entire thing was perfectly directed by Danny Boyle.
And the cast were simply captivating.
Literally could not tear my eyes away from it all.
So bluddy fantastic.
I just-
>.< I love theatre far too much.
I need to go to the theatre more.

The play also reminded me why I love English lit so much. And theatre. And that as soon as I am earning enough for it to be affordable, I am going to go to the theatre at least once a month.Note - Kat is awesome. And I miss her. And she should get her sexy butt over here sometime. And then we shall see Frankenstein together <3


Spent today at Birmingham University Open Day. Which was... interesting. Went to an English with Creative Writing talk, which was fantastic. The teacher was ridiculously fun and had a very similar sense of humour to me. And his voice is basically the same as my Michael Mcintyre impression. Swear I am destined for the course as well. Tis awesome. Only issue - I'm planning to take Psychology at Uni... :/ 
Psychology talk was good too, that lecturer also shared my sense of humour. Why do I like people with quick, dry humour so much???? Ah well. Course looks interesting too.
English on it's own was the most boring talk EVER. Woman could not hold my interest -_- Definitely not going to Birmingham for English.
Library is MASSIVE though... :3
Overall a pretty cool day and university :)


Managed to miss Harry's gig tonight, cause I'm an idiot -_-
It was his new band as well :/
Now I'm sad :(


Anywho... STUFF.


Pretty content with life right now. Good days make up for the bad and the sun keeps pushing through the clouds :)


Thank y'all for the page views :')


Go listen to some happy songs :)

James Vincent McMorrow - Wicked Game

Mixed messages.

Fuck off.
Tired of trying and getting nowhere.
I give up.


What is it with people and honesty?


Just tell the damn truth and move on with your life!!!


You angry at someone?
Tell them.
Makes things a lot easier.
You happy about something someone's doing?
Tell them
Also makes things easier.


On a happier note:
BEN IS VISITING NEXT SATURDAY.
*EXCITEMENT*.

Generosity

My 'Auntie S' (as I shall call her on here) is a truly astonishing woman.
I love her completely.
And she loves me completely, despite having no real obligation to me whatsoever. She isn't my real aunt. She is the sister of my half-brothers' dad. But still. She is Auntie S.
She is a Christian with seemingly unwavering faith.
She has an unbelievable sense of compassion and humanity.
She is a faithful wife, and a fantastic mother to two brilliant individuals.
She is kind.
She is caring.
She is honest.
She is ridiculously enthusiastic about everything.
She is incredibly fond of everyone.
She has an uncanny ability to make anyone smile.
And to make anyone feel loved, and blessed, and treasured by all.
She is incredibly selfless.
She is so sweet.
She is loyal.
I have never encountered a single one of her flaws, if she even has one. Possibly it would be that she might get herself hurt by caring too much.
She is so small and yet so unbelievably strong.
She astonishes me.
Every time I see her.


She went well out of her way to drive mum to hospital and back recently, as well as coming with me to visit and being a tower of strength and a great source of cuddles when either of us needed comfort.
We were visiting my mum in hospital, and while I had alone time with mum Auntie S was off befriending and bringing smiles to the rest of the ward.
She will always believe the best of everyone, and try her best to bring a smile to everyone.


She is always giving.
Always.


If you asked her for the world, she'd find some way to give it to you. 


And when you ask for nothing, she gives you more.


Tiny example of her ridiculous generosity:
I came home today to find an early birthday from her. A cheque for £150.
To some people, that's nothing. But to my family, and to Auntie S, that's ...well, a rather significant amount.
It's not even a mile stone birthday.
£50 would be incredibly generous
£100 would be astonishing and extravagant
£150 is so... Auntie S. But I can't accept it. She'll bless my heart and try to get me to keep it but I can't. She is so generous and so strong and the greatest gift she can give me is the chance to one day become like both her and my mother. The money is an astonishing gift, but I can't accept it. I know she'll want me to keep some, and I will so she doesn't fuss, but I certainly can't accept £150. Not from her. She's too... good. I'll ask her to buy herself a present with the rest, or send it to a charity. That is the right kind of place for money given with that much love and good-will.


I love Auntie S.
I always will.
She could give you everything you could ask for and more, and she would still want to give you more.
She is the most purely good and true person I know.
Standing between her and mum, I know I have a lot to live up to.
End of 'rant'.

I miss you.

A lot.
But it's not hard to tell that you don't miss me.

Another thing what I wrote.

“So I’ll spend my nights with a glass of Pimms
Waiting for rain to close summer in
For until the birds cease to sing
I see no hope that we may begin”

Wrote this yesterday.

No idea what it's about, or why I wrote it.

Derp.